All that we owe our parents we repay through our children.

Ok I just spoke about how I am becoming my mother, now let's flip the coin and discuss how I am raising mini me one and two. My kids are so much like me it is scary. I remember my mother always telling me that the reason my dad and I were like rams butting heads is because we were so much alike. At the time, of course I was just leaving the scene of losing an argument with him and I would think, are you crazy? I am NOTHING like him! Now that I am older, and of course wiser (yeah right), I am realizing that I am a lot like both of my parents, but my stubborn attitude surely comes from the good ol' Kent Broadbent himself. You bring up my dad's attitude or mention the term stubborn and Kent in the same sentence at any family gathering and everyone just nods their heads in agreement and then there is usually a story that follows about how my dad would do this when faced with adversity, or how this fight came to be between them. That's one of the reason Broadbent gatherings are so fun. Well now it is my turn to raise a child of my likeness and it is tough. Havely is so damn determined and strong willed, I really have to learn to hold back sometimes because I find myself wanting to knock her into the middle of next week. She is now 5 and pushes the mom buttons on a daily basis. When I ask her to do things she always has some smart remark that usually follows. I applaud her wit and quick thinking however if she catches me on a bad day it might lead to her demise. I also watch my sons tenacity and unyeilding behavior, and with this one, I may have a permanent mark left in my chops from biting my lip so much. Lately though I have been given a slight bit of comic relief to this whole adventure. I am not the only one with kids anymore, and to my great joy I am watching Angela's kids personalities develop. They are only six months old, but the professional instigator in the Broadbent bunch now has a clone coming along. Jackson loves to spur his sister until he gets a reaction from her. The term the apple doesn't fall far from the tree used to makes me fear what was coming my way, but now it puts a small grin, like a grinch on my face when I know what is coming Angela's way. Remember all the times that you used to do ANYTHING to get a rise out of me Ang? Well be ready to eat a big fat plate of humble pie, your son is going to give little Angela a run for her money. I feel really bad for Genevieve, but thankfully she has Aunt Mac to help her through how to overcome the prodder that is her brother. I know I have a trying road ahead of me raising little Mackenzie and Kent, however I will love the front row seat that I have to watching the replicate of miss Angela the Instigator, yes peeps that was her superhero name... 08.14.11

Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart.

It's happened, I have become my mother. Not only do I see her when I glance in the mirror as I go by with a load of laundry, my mouth tends to open wide a spew the very sentences that she used to let loose on me and my sisters. The first few times it happened I cupped my mouth in horror and drew back, did I just say that??!!! Now that I have two children I find that it happens more and more, I think I have diarrhea of Valisms coming out of me. Stop torturing your brother, do you want me to give you a reason to cry, I don't care who started it, go play in the street. Ok maybe that last one was a wee bit of a stretch, but anyway, these are the things apparently that my brain is full of because I don't control it, it just happens. Not all of the sayings are bad. I find myself describing things as nice and big all the time, these are things my mother also does. Kenz, go over there and get a nice fresh loaf of french bread. For dinner we are having spaghetti and a nice green tossed salad. No mean food at the Broadbent sacred dinner, no way (I will discuss "sacred dinner" in another post). It's funny to sit and think about how we become our parents, at least I think that we do if our parents did a good job and were present through out our lives. I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared enough to say these things and care about what I was getting into and if my sister was pushing me to the brink of beating the snot out of her. I was lucky enough that every day I was fed with nice food and our table was never empty, with food or family. I never ate alone in front of a television in an empty room, and my dinner never was crafted by Swanson's. Now that I am a parent, I get to carry on the same things. I say the same phrases, but I also make sure that my kids understand what family is. Almost every weekend lately we all get together, (my sister and her family) and spend the day swimming or playing and then have a family meal. I watch both Angela and I repeat sayings and actions that were taught to us many years ago, but apparently had a huge impact on us. Both of us rock and sing to our kids to get them to calm, something that was also done to me many times when tears were flowing or I just needed a hug. I know in time I will hear Angela utter the words that I have about stopping fighting and giving her kids a reason to cry. I already hear her use the term nice when describing food. These are just a sample of the things that I am stamping on my kids that my mother imprinted on me. I am the mother that I am today, because I was given such a wonderful person to raise me. I cannot imagine what I would have become had I not been urged daily to become the woman that I am. When I fell, not only was I pushed back up and redirected, it's like my hand was held until I was confident to let go again and try it on my own. I know I am a good mom, and I know the reason I am is because I was given a great teacher. Being a mom isn't something you can learn in a hospital class, it isn't something you can read in some book, and it isn't something that you can sit and discover yourself. Being a mom is ingrained in you, it is something that you learn from the first day you open your eyes and look up and she smiles and says she will protect you forever. It just took me until I was the person looking down to notice what a big job it is, and how much love and patience and energy goes into it. Thank you mom for teaching me how to be a mom, and my kids thank you too. Now I am going to go eat a nice big slice of pie... 08.14.11

Time moves in one direction, memory in another.

Two weeks and my little girl starts kindergarten. I have muttered the words, "where did the time go?" and "how did this happen?" way too much over the past few months. The day we registered her for Kinder, I walked out of the elementary school hand in hand with my husband and my eyes filled with tears. I cannot believe she is old enough to go in there daily and sit in those dwarf size chairs and walk down the hall and learn from a complete stranger. Am I supposed to trust these people, are they going to make sure she is safe? Is she going to like school? Is she going to make friends or be the kid who does her own thing? So many unknowns. Every adventure and new chapter in life has too many unknowns, but somehow we make it through. I became a mom in a moment and it changed my life completely, and there were trying times and so many wonderful memories, but each day we get one day older and that all adds up, quickly. All we have are the memories and the way we handled each day. Havely has been the most wonderful daughter any mother could ask for, and I get to be her mom. She has made my heart swell since day one, and she has entertained all of us for years now. I love her personality and I see so much of myself in her. I know she is confident and independent, and I will have to remind myself that this is what I do love about her when she is pushing that self determination against me. I have put some photos of her on here, her transition from baby girl to little girl to school girl. It is ironic that lately she has been carrying this small silver clock around that she found in a cabinet in my bedroom. She takes it everywhere with her and tells me it is a magic clock and it turns colors and can take us to anywhere in time. She always tells me that she is going to dates in the future, and all I want to do it grab it and turn it back a few years and make it slow down. Love you Havely, you will do great in school! 08.11.11

Dog Days of Summer

I have no idea who came up with that saying or what it exactly means. We have had over 45 days of over 100 degree heat here in south Texas and there is no end in sight. Hurricane Don began to head our way, but apparently it was no match for extreme drought and ran off into the gulf. We have not been able to do too much outside, but we have taken advantage of the summer fun and enjoyed some family time outside as well as inside. The kids are growing just like the sunflowers outside, quickly and everyday it seems that they blossom more. Havely is already 5 and is enjoying her last summer before she become a big Kindergartner in the fall. I cannot believe how much she has changed and how smart she is. Sometimes her wits add so much to the day, but sometimes they turn on me and can light my nerves on fire in an instant. She is gorgeous, and her skin is tanning and those blue eyes of hers just sparkle. She is testing at a second grade level and I think school will go well for her. I am just worried she might not be challenged enough and get bored. A bored Havely is one who wanders and talks and gets into a bit of trouble. I am gathering things for her to begin this adventure. This past weekend Havely, Angela and I went school shopping. We had a fantastic day. Lunch then shopping, and hearing Havely tell us that certain items were wonderful and gorgeous, I love her expressions. Today I ordered her dinosaur backpack, a pink one with spikes, she will surely standout.
Grant is changing even faster. He is not my baby anymore, he is a little boy that collects cars and plays with bugs. He is talking and is interacting with us for many things. He also signs and that is helping with some of his frustration with the words not coming out quite right. He loves his cars. He will carry up to 6 of them around at once, having them stacked in his chubby little arms and hugging them to his chest. I love to engage in play with him just as much as I like being an observer to his world. He is so smart and takes everything in before he makes an decision or takes action. He has already figured out the baby gates, goes up and down stairs, and can climb on most things. He has even figured out if he can't reach something to push something over to it, to use as a stool to reach it. He is the cutest boy I have ever laid eyes on, and I am not the only one to voice this opinion. He has so many expressions and I am sure that when he gets older and has friends, he will be the life of the room with them, just as he is to us right now.
Havely and Grant's relationship is like a roller coaster, but with mostly ups. They fight as most siblings do, most of the time it is because Havely is being bossy and tries to control him, and he in turn takes a chunk of that nice blond hair and yanks it. He is holding his own the best he knows how, but Havely better get all the jabs in while she can because in about two years he will be able to squash her like a bug. The moments that take my breath away are when they sit and read together, or spend hours playing together. Lately they have been playing in the game room in the kitchen, Grant is the screaming short order cook and Havely is the waitress. It is simply hilarious. I love going to the cafe to get bowls full of plastic food and watching them play, it is one of the best places in town.
Jackson and Genevieve are growing quickly as well, seems to be the theme around these parts. They are talking like crazy and are close to becoming somewhat mobile. I really hope Angela and Keith are ready for a dual tornado, because those kids are about to rock their world. They know their general surroundings now, and have also become familiar with me and my family. We have been spending a lot of time together recently and I love that when those kids hear me or see me they grin and get chubby cheeks and do the baby excited kick and arms flailing, basically it says, AUNT MACK ROCKS!!! Watching the kids grow is only half of the equation that I love right now. Watching my sister and Keith grow as parents has been just as delightful. They handle the duo well and I am proud of how they work together so well. It has been so satisfying to see them with their kids and watch all four of them as a family unit. It makes my heart swell and I also dream of the days when all of us can pack up the runts and head out on vacations and mini adventures together!
Overall summer has been good, we have gotten in load of pools day, Havely is now a proficient swimmer, can dive for rings and even can now do flips underwater. She has amazed even herself with her aqua abilities. Not to be outdone, Grant is a little waterbug too. We had to get him a puddle jumper just so he could keep up with his sister. He has no fear of the water, which fills me with terror, and jumps in all on his own. We are going to attempt swim lessons with him this fall, with hopes of the possibility of putting a pool in the backyard come springtime. A large investment, but I know it will get it use.
The other night we spent time playing outside in the evening and enjoying a "cooler" day (I think it was only 92). We colored on the sidewalk with chalk, ran around with the dogs and just enjoyed the night. It's summer nights like this that I thrive on. The nights were for just a bit, life seems damn near perfect. The time when you just live in the moment and take every bit in, in hopes that it will become permanently imprinted in your memory for later. We ignored bedtimes, we ran without shoes, we got dirty. The dogs ran around without any restrain, and the kids laughed in delight as they rounded the house chasing each other. Jaaron and I just laughed and got right into the mix. This is my definition of the "dog days of summer". 08.02.11

Life is like lemonade, and I like mine just the way it is.

Over the years I have been through ups and downs as anyone has. I have had many experiences that make me who I am today, and I have encountered several people that have had an impact on my life, good and bad. Recently a friend and patient of mine passed away and this is not the first time I have dealt with this. As I drove home the day I found out, I thought of all the other people that I have gotten close to over the years in my career and it scares me to think that eventually I will lose these people too. The pain of losing them is hard, but to think of my life without them is just ridiculous. I have enjoyed my moments with them and each of their life stories has enriched mine. I am happy that one of my good friends, Esther Gates, is a 90 year old woman who is no where near slowing down, heck this woman invented priority mail! So I am enjoying the people that enrich my life, even though I know sometimes I will suffer a loss, but all in all it is worth it. There is also a different side of this coin. There are people that have come into my life who have had a negative impact overall. I am a forgiving person at heart. I have given lots of people second chances, and even a few people have gotten third chances. But once you cause hurt to me or my family, you might as well have moved to Russia, because you will not be back in the good graces of this family again. My husband and I have worked hard to get where we are in life, and we are extremely happy. We love our life just the way it is. We don't feel the need to add more drama or take away the upcoming drama that may unfold. The recipe is just right, and I think we have just the perfect blend, no more lemons needed. 03.15.11

A Two-riffic Day for the Sitzman's

After many months of carrying around the world's fastest growing beach ball (filled with sand of course) my sister decided that February 7, 2011 would be the day that she met the two dumplings she was baking in there. The c-section was scheduled and plans were made, days were taken off, plane tickets were bought. The day before the release of thing one and thing two, I could tell my little sister was nervous, but in a good way. I could see that she had so many wonders and worries going on in her head, but didn't know how to arrange them all to make sense of them. I knew she was nervous about the c-section, and as anyone would be the gore that comes with it. Most of all though I could see the amazement and shock that it had truly come to this point and she tomorrow was about to become a mother. This wasn't just a normal, you are going to be a mom in nine months (by the way it is actually 10), it was after years of trying, crying and hoping this is really happening. There are no words for moments like this, only support and taking it in mentally. I was so excited for her and Keith, and to be honest I was excited for myself. I finally was ready to get a taste of the "auntie" ways, at this point I had been the loan parent of the trio and I was ready to have a kid(s) to kiss on and when they started leaking in anyway hand them back and say, "I think they need you." I was also ready to have someone join Jaaron and I on the parent side of the fence. It is hard to be the one with the kids, the lame ones that can't do anything fun. Hey would you guys like to go to a bar and watch the game? No thanks have these kids things here, but would you like to head to chuck-e-cheese with us? There is pizza involved and games too! Sadly no one jumped to our side. Now they have to**insert evil laugh here** any way I digress.

On the morning of February seventh, I got up early, got ready for work (I was only working a half day) and headed in. On my commute though, all of a sudden I freaked out. What am I doing? Why am I not there? They are cutting my sister open and I am going to work? Who am I? WTF???!!! So of course I did what any normal Broadbent would do at this moment, I called my mom because I knew she was freaking out waaaayyyy worse than me. When you are losing it, call someone who is a little more over the edge than you. Mom was also a mess, and being so far away was killing her. She had the same why's that I did and we lamented on the decisions we had made and then promised that if either of us heard anything we would call instantly! Ok now onto watching the clock for a couple of hours, I am sorry were you talking to me? Oh I was watching my cell phone, waiting for it to ring, everything else around me is just noise, like a annoying fly, shoo shoo-go away! My patient is here, um do they know I am a basket case today, they do, ok good send them in!

10:07 am the signal from a simple text on my cell phone came in, the sound of an angel, and I found out that I was an aunt of two very healthy babies, and my sister was doing wonderful. This is when I did the happy dance, huge sigh of relief, and an overwhelming feeling of joy that I was an aunt! That day could not roll on fast enough, and finally after pushing my last patient out the door as fast as possible (they look at you funny when you pull their walker faster and make them pick up the pace, but speed is good grandma, enjoy it), I raced to the hospital to meet the dynamic duo. After getting cavity searched and x-rayed, I finally got to go to my sisters room. I walked in and I was greeted with my sister laying in bed with Jackson Davis and Genevieve Paige and it was instant love. I have no idea which part I liked more that day, the introduction of two perfect new family members or seeing my sister as a mother for the first time. It was sublime, and there was no way I could describe the feeling. After cuddles and kisses and some stories and diaper changing, I asked how they felt as parents. They both said it was all so surreal, but as I watched them tell the tale of how their precious babies came into this world I saw the amazement of life and the joy of becoming a parent on their face. And nothing had to be said, but at this point I sat back and my heart yet lifted again, and for selfish reasons this time, now I had someone on my side of the fence. But the thing about being over here is, only you know how special it is to discover the feeling and intense love of being a parent. And it is more majestic than anything else you will ever experience in life. 02.08.11

One year ago I met the most adorable boy

Happy Birthday to my baby boy. Grant is now a year old, my little guy is growing so fast.
That one line I had written before I left to go have dinner and celebrate Grant's very first birthday, and I intended to finish this post later that evening when he was sound asleep in his bed. I had no idea that we were about to face the most frightening night as parents.
We went to dinner that evening to celebrate BG's first birthday, and how happy we are to have him in our family. Life is just better! As we sat at the table and discussed our day with each other, I fed Grant and then he began coughing. Well he has a horrible gag reflex and before we knew it all the Gerber goodness was all over me, him and the floor. I began cleaning him up, told the waitress to box it up and we headed home. When we got home he seemed fine and we were sure the coughing is what lead to the eruption at the restaurant. I went to put him to bed and then he became fussy again, not just I don't want to sleep, but I am in pain help me fussy. I gave him Tylenol thinking that it was his teething, and finally he drifted into dreaming. I laid him down and went downstairs to relax. After this moment everything is basically a blur. He woke up screaming 45 minutes after being laid down. From this point on we could NOT get him comfortable. He would pass out from shear exhaustion on us and then when we laid him in his bed, BAM crying again. Finally at about 11 that evening I threw in the towel and told Jaaron I was just going to sleep in his room and watch him. I laid there for about 3 minutes when I heard his breathing change. I was sure he was going to throw up again so I jumped up and sat him forward. As soon as my hands slid under his tiny arms, his entire body began to quake and his gaze was far off and distant. I screamed for help and it seemed like minutes before my husband came bursting into the room. Through panic and tears I stammered, "I think he is having a seizure!" Jaaron swept him from my arms and we immediately got him in the car to head to the hospital. Our neighbor came over and watched Havely and we were off. The drive to the hospital again seemed to last forever, it was like I was frozen and things were just moving to slow. Jaaron held his hand on the drive and he seized several more times. When I parked I told him to get Grant and meet me at the desk. I stepped out of the car and set out on a dead sprint. I don't think I have ran that fast since I was timed in High School. They took us back immediately and took his temperature. 105, he came in at 105. All of a sudden I felt like I was from the outside watching this happen. I know kids die or have permanent damage from fevers this high, how did I let this happen. We were rushed down a long hallway and taken to a room where we were met with a team of nurses and a physician. He was given meds immediately. Grant was still in a far off stare, it was like he just wasn't present, no crying, no big response. Over the course of the next few hours we put our son through x-rays, blood work, urine analysis, two IV's, one round of potent antibiotics, a cat scan of his head, and the one thing that almost killed us as parents, a lumbar spinal tap. During all of these procedures I felt completely helpless, but when it came time to do the spinal tap, I truly felt like my heart was just being stomped on repeatedly while I heard him scream in fear and pain and I could not be there to comfort him. The nurse who held him sang in his ear to try and calm him and I fell into my husbands arms hoping that my son was okay and that this nightmare would end soon. As soon as they finished I scooped up my son and assured him that I was there for him and turned to see my husband sweating and flushed. He just turned and walked out of the room. Grant finally calmed and I silently cried, while i repeatedly kissed his head and traced his face with my shaking fingers. My husband appeared back in the room after about 15 minutes. The whole incident was just too much for him to handle and for the first time ever, he almost passed out. This is a man who pulls mangled victims from car accidents and encounters people on a daily basis at the worst point in their life-and is usually unscathed. Having your child go through pain and fear just does something to your heart as a parent and messes with your mind. Finally Grant took one big yawn and fell asleep against my chest. I finally felt a bit of peace. In the next couple of hours the mood in the room slowly begin to change from fear to hope. Each person we encountered had good news regarding test results, and we were quickly coming out of the dark hole I felt that we were sinking into. After all was said and done and going through a night in the ER, and a morning at the pediatricians and a couple more tests we finally got home at 1:00 pm that next day. The cause of this whole horror was bilateral ear infections. How horrible did I feel, I am an ear specialist and missed this? Guilt ridden and exhausted I finally crashed and put the entire event to rest, and so did the little boy who was now a year old. What a crappy birthday, certainly one to remember, but for all the wrong reasons. Next year I demand a do over, my guy deserves so much more. I love you Grant and tonight I was tested to the extreme as a parent, but it was clear to me that I would do anything for you, and always will. 01.26.11