Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart.

It's happened, I have become my mother. Not only do I see her when I glance in the mirror as I go by with a load of laundry, my mouth tends to open wide a spew the very sentences that she used to let loose on me and my sisters. The first few times it happened I cupped my mouth in horror and drew back, did I just say that??!!! Now that I have two children I find that it happens more and more, I think I have diarrhea of Valisms coming out of me. Stop torturing your brother, do you want me to give you a reason to cry, I don't care who started it, go play in the street. Ok maybe that last one was a wee bit of a stretch, but anyway, these are the things apparently that my brain is full of because I don't control it, it just happens. Not all of the sayings are bad. I find myself describing things as nice and big all the time, these are things my mother also does. Kenz, go over there and get a nice fresh loaf of french bread. For dinner we are having spaghetti and a nice green tossed salad. No mean food at the Broadbent sacred dinner, no way (I will discuss "sacred dinner" in another post). It's funny to sit and think about how we become our parents, at least I think that we do if our parents did a good job and were present through out our lives. I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared enough to say these things and care about what I was getting into and if my sister was pushing me to the brink of beating the snot out of her. I was lucky enough that every day I was fed with nice food and our table was never empty, with food or family. I never ate alone in front of a television in an empty room, and my dinner never was crafted by Swanson's. Now that I am a parent, I get to carry on the same things. I say the same phrases, but I also make sure that my kids understand what family is. Almost every weekend lately we all get together, (my sister and her family) and spend the day swimming or playing and then have a family meal. I watch both Angela and I repeat sayings and actions that were taught to us many years ago, but apparently had a huge impact on us. Both of us rock and sing to our kids to get them to calm, something that was also done to me many times when tears were flowing or I just needed a hug. I know in time I will hear Angela utter the words that I have about stopping fighting and giving her kids a reason to cry. I already hear her use the term nice when describing food. These are just a sample of the things that I am stamping on my kids that my mother imprinted on me. I am the mother that I am today, because I was given such a wonderful person to raise me. I cannot imagine what I would have become had I not been urged daily to become the woman that I am. When I fell, not only was I pushed back up and redirected, it's like my hand was held until I was confident to let go again and try it on my own. I know I am a good mom, and I know the reason I am is because I was given a great teacher. Being a mom isn't something you can learn in a hospital class, it isn't something you can read in some book, and it isn't something that you can sit and discover yourself. Being a mom is ingrained in you, it is something that you learn from the first day you open your eyes and look up and she smiles and says she will protect you forever. It just took me until I was the person looking down to notice what a big job it is, and how much love and patience and energy goes into it. Thank you mom for teaching me how to be a mom, and my kids thank you too. Now I am going to go eat a nice big slice of pie... 08.14.11