It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

It is hard to get into the Christmas spirit when there is no snow. I grew up having white, sometimes complete white out Christmases, so when I moved to Texas it was hard to realize that Christmas was on it's way when it was 70 degrees outside and not one snowflake in sight. Every year I have to find ways to help the spirit of Christmas enter my soul and warm my heart. Some years I felt luke warm even, and the holiday season passed and I really didn't even notice. I have discovered that Christmas with children is different though. I get to see Christmas through their eyes now, and the view is enchanting! We put up our tree last week, and Havely continues to reach higher and higher every year. This year we had a little rascal crawling about that tried to undecorate wherever he could reach. So we had Havely complaining that she was doing such an awesome and inspiring job and he was destroying her chi. This bickering goes on constantly lately and I am pretty sure my son is going to be a giant instigator just like his Wa Wa.
We listen to Christmas music whenever we are in the car and Havely has picked up on some of the words on the classic songs. This morning on the way to daycare with my two kids snuggly warm in the backseat, Havely with her white faux fur, and Grant with his sweet dog hat and fuzzy blue coat, we were listening to the songs of the season and I noticed that Grant was chiming in with us. It made me smile from ear to ear to hear her sweet little voice tell me that all she wants for Christmas is me (of course mom is the you in that song), and Grant is ba ba baing with the beat of the tune. Of course I am belting out in my best American idol voice as well, with some car dancing of course. The song ends and let it snow comes on with a joyous intro, and Grant starts in again, and this time Havely announces, "Mom, Grant is singing all the wrong words!" I said Havely let him sing, he doesn't know any words yet! Then she looks at him and tells him, you are singing the wrong words, but one day you will be smart like me, Santa will help you with that. Santa is one cool guy to bring smarts to kids too, wonder why he skips over so many kids, because there are plenty of stupid adults, wait we don't say stupid, ok let's go with half-witted. Anyway, I have found it easier to feel the holiday spirit, and enjoy the season for what it was intended. Spending time with loved ones, enjoying the magic, and simply believing, but I still tear up when I hear White Christmas or I'll be home for Christmas. 12.07.10

The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Just the other day I was complaining about the fact that I was walking through the isles at Target before Halloween and there were already Christmas decorations up. It was too early, I was not ready for that yet! Now Here I sit on December 7th and I wonder where the time went. My son is almost a year old and my daughter is this little girl and no longer a baby. She told me the other day when we were putting up the tree that she thought the tree was inspiring. Where did she learn a word like that and how does she know how to use it? I told her she was inspiring to me and she said that is awesome. This kid cracks me up. Grant is as cute as can be, mouth with 4 teeth on the top and bottom, the smile that warms my heart the second I see him. He loves me so much and gets so excited when I walk in the door, he even hugs me when I pick him up. My husband and I have been together for eight years now, longest relationship I have ever had, and I am so lucky to have him in my life. We actually went on a date the other night to the place where we first had dinner together, Logan's Steakhouse, all orchestrated by him. Even after 8 years the guy still can be romantic and thoughtful. I am so lucky to have all that I do in my life, this is way more than I expected and I am thankful for all of it. My job is going very well, I have such passion for helping people and I have even began a foundation in Alison's honor that helps people hear who cannot afford it. It makes my weeks go by fast because each day I love what I do, so I get to enjoy the work week as well as the weekend! We got to spend some time with my grandparents recently as well as my parents. Everyone flew in for Angela's baby shower. It was wonderful to have family time and to celebrate the two little ones that are entering our family. I can't wait to have these babies here, to be an aunt, and to see my sister as a mother. See I can't even stop gushing about all the stuff in my life that just plain rocks. So there you have it my three essentials that make my happiness. My family, my career and being a mom, and all that is coming along for us in the future! 2010 has been a fantastic year! 12.07.10

To make democracy work, we must be a notion of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.

I voted today. Midterm elections and I went and voted early. The feeling that voting gives me is wonderful. I walked in as an older man walked out and thought I am going to probably go cancel out your vote old man Withers. I love the push of the vote button and knowing that my opinion just was counted and my voice was heard. I grabbed my "I voted" sticker put it on my shirt and proudly walked out the door. Every time I vote I think of what women went though many years ago to give me the right to enter that polling site and let my opinion be known. I feel every time elections come up that I owe it to those women who fought so hard for this basic right to take time out of my day and cast my vote. I also think about the fact that I live in a country that listens to my one small voice and allows me to speak freely about the beliefs and opinions that I feel so passionate about. I feel that voting allows me to participate in discussions and debates with others about the politics that have an impact on my daily life. I also feel that people who do not take this privilege of voting do not get the benefit of complaining about how things are run after the election has passed. Make voting a priority, make your opinions be known, take part in the game. Even if the person you cheered loudest for loses, at least you know you put your two cents into the fight. It is your right and it is your duty. 10.28.10

You might be a martyr if...

Everyone knows this person, and some of us are lucky enough to have many martyrs in our daily lives. This is the person who constantly plays the "poor me" card. Everyone does this once in a while, it is just a human trait. However there are people who live by this, this is their credo. I can't stand these people. These are the people who constantly have to point out what they have done so that they feel their work is recognized. Usually the tasks that they have accomplished are something that people around them do on a daily basis and think nothing of it, but this person wants a pat on the back, or a cookie for doing the same thing. Annoying, super annoying. These fab individuals are also the ones who make a large ruckus when those of us not playing the oh poor me game don't play by their rules. To prove my point I will list some examples and I am certain that we all know someone who fits every scenario. Who wants to play you might be a martyr if:

-You come in early and stay late and accomplish the same amount of work as your co-workers, but you make it a point to tell everyone how many hours you have worked each week, every freakin week. Good for you, you have no life. I like to do my job and get home and enjoy the reason I work. These people always try to make you feel guilty by stating that they are dedicated to the work or the mission at hand. Suck it so am I, and I don't need to prove it any other way than doing a good job at what I do.

-You have more sick days than the year has work days. These people always make snide comments when someone is out sick and even better, when they are ill they come to work and get everyone else sick. Sick days are for when you are sick, use them and realize that germs exist and we don't want yours.

-You haven't taken a vacation in years. Mr. Poor Me is always quick to point out how he hasn't been away from doing his slavery for so long he can't even remember right before you are about to head out the door to catch a plane for some fun in the sun. Even better is when you get back to work these people are always the first to utter the phrase "must be nice" when you are talking about your R & R.

-You look ten years older than you are.

These people don't just exist in the work place though, they are all over the place. The husband who lets everyone think his wife is a controlling bitch and acts like a beaten slave when company is around. Little does everyone know what is really going on when no one is there and daily life is occurring.

So before you go feeling so sorry for this suffering individual, take a step back and look at the big picture. Are they really suffering because of their circumstances or are they creating the circumstances to suffer by.

Sundress with Dino Slippers, that's how we roll...

Oh the craziness that is our family. I am pretty sure that if ABC was to come in and watch us for a week they would be begging to do a sitcom based on our lives. It would have everything they needed for a hit, stressed and tired parents, check. Dramatic daughter, check, cute baby (every show needs a cute baby), check. Crazy sisters that live close by, check, production will begin immediately!
So the morning begins with a little boy full of farts that is way unhappy. Up at 4 am is one tired mom playing with his legs and tummy trying her best not to fall asleep right on top of him. He of course is wide awake and thinks most of this is pretty entertaining. At the same time all this is going on I also have a bitchy cat in the background screaming at me for no apparent reason at all, and two overly hyper dogs that think they need to comb the backyard for raccoons, skunks, or the neighbors cat, NOW! Am I the only one that knows what time it is? Yes, yes you are the only one that even cares what time it is, wahoo. Just when I think I have the tooter calmed down and ready for bed, I lay him down and he screams. I glance at the clock and can feel my nerves lighting up just knowing that climbing back into bed before my alarm goes off is just fluttering away minute by farting minute. Finally after an hour of bouncing and massaging he is out, and it is time for me to get going for the day. I turn around and longingly glance at the inviting pillow and pulled back covers in my bed and drag my tired ass to the bathroom instead. A hot shower brings me to life and I begin getting prepared for the day, not feeling to peppy though I decide today is a good day to wear scrubs. Who wouldn't wear basically pajamas to work if they were allowed, done. After I finish my morning routine I head upstairs to wake the drama queen. I am relieved when I open the door and notice she is awake and singing her dinosaur songs to the cast of characters that live in her room. These songs are great, each one is unique and I am determined to get them recorded by she won't perform when she knows there will be future evidence. I will have to hide a recorder (mental note, buy a recording device). She sees me and immediately smiles which of course makes my whole being smile. Her curly blond hair is in a mess all surrounding her little face and she looks up at me and says, I think I need to stay home today. This is daily argument and I can't say that I blame her, I want to stay home too. I explain once again mom has to go to work, but the weekend is here and it is three days this time! She squeals with delight and jumps off the bed still holding lavender lamb the standard choke hold. I ask her if she would like to wear a dress today and she says, "yeah, I think that would be nice." Her vocabulary cracks me up, she is growing up way too fast. We make it downstairs and I hand her the shoes I have picked to go with the dress and ask her to put them on while I get your brother ready. She snags the shoes and goes over to the couch, I scoop up the infant carrier and head to wake the beast. I come out and quickly grab my coffee off the counter and the three of us head out the door. As we walk down the stairs I look down to see two beady eyes staring up at me, frog in the garage again. This frog thinks he needs to take up residence in my garage and I am worried he is going to fry up and die, or that I may run him over one day. So I tell Havely go ahead and get in the car, and I set the carrier down and proceed to look like a fool chasing this frog around the garage floor. I finally catch him and take him over to the side of the house and gently place him on the lawn while I give him a lecture about how the garage is too hot for him and how dangerous it is. The frog just stares at me in awe, I am sure he is taking in every word I say. I quickly return to the garage, clutch the coffee mug in one hand and hoist the carrier up with an umph and head to the car. I get Grant in with all my might (kid is heavy) and I see the damn frog making a break for the entrance of the garage again. I quickly hop in the front seat and close the garage door and let out a sigh of relief, whew! Out of the neighborhood and onto daycare! We usually begin our day with Trains, Hey Soul Sister aka the school bus song and scout out the big yellow birds. This song makes me smile no matter what, and when I am with my kids I never get sick of hearing it. There is just something about that little voice coming out of my four year old singing this at the top of her lungs. We get to the stoplight at the top of the parkway and I turn back to sing along with her and look down and just crack up. She has decided to replace the shoes I gave her to wear with her dinosaur slippers. One hell of a fashion statement, but that is totally my daughter. Pretty sundress, beautiful blond curls, and some scary dinosaur slippers and all the wonderful war wounds on her legs. Total tom boy. I wouldn't have it any other way. It is Friday and I need my weekend, my three day weekend. I need to escape the chaos that work has been this week and I am so excited to enjoy my days off with my amazing family. It is loud, fun, crazy, tiring, fast paced, and completely unpredictable. I wouldn't give any of it up for anything, I love my life. 09.03.10

Summer 2009, no wait 2010

Things are changing fast, my kids are growing up and I can't slow it down, I can't slow life down although I would love to. It is nearing the end of the summer and I just can't seem to understand that it is even 2010. I have problems getting the year right almost weekly, and I feel like a dog chasing my tail! Grant has lost his gummy grin, he has three bottom teeth and is sitting up on his own. He is just about to crawl, gets up and wants to go just can't find the rhythm to get going. Havely just keeps growing taller and daily comes up with sayings that crack me up. We recently took our annual (and probably last) family trip to Wyoming. This trip excites me so much every year, it is a chance to escape the heat and hustle of San Antonio and we get to see family and catch up. We began this trip in Alpine as usual and this year we had a lunch party and played some family survivor. Our family is extremely competitive so any games and sporting always proves to be entertaining. That evening we just spent time with my grandparents and relaxed and enjoyed the mountain air. I love just taking it all in and allowing my roots to soak up what they need. The next day we headed into SLC to have a relaxing lunch party with the Walkenhorst clan. I miss being able to see everyone more and this time always goes by too quickly. We spent the remainder of the week in Green River and took time laying on the grass under a cloudless blue sky. Havely got to go riding a couple of times and has become quite the little cowgirl. This size of the horses doesn't threaten her at all and she takes the reins with forces and lets Clyde know who is the boss, all 34 pounds of her! Overall it was a great vacation and went by quickly, but was just about perfect. We headed home after 8 days and I don't think I have ever been so happy to get home. I love our life and our home here. Even Havely was excited to go to bed in her polka pot room. It is good to get a break from everyday life, but it is even better to have an everyday life that you love so much you are happy to come home. Life in Texas is good. 08.30.10

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

What a day for the Thomas Troop!!! We started off the day with Havely and I enjoying our cheerios together while Grant was still sleeping. We watched phineas and ferb on the disney channel and discussed the things in life that are important to a four year old. She wanted to know why for her fifth birthday party we couldn't build a roller coaster in the backyard like they do on TV, my explanation clearly wasn't good enough because the, "but why's" kept coming. Jaaron got home from work and Grant woke up and Havely and I kicked into high gear to get ready for the birthday party we were attending the morning at a local farm. I kissed my boys goodbye and we headed out the door, ready for some play with some petting zoo type animals. The farm was only 15 minutes from the house and by time we arrived the thermometer on my navigation system reported that it was a lovely 94 degrees already, awesome. We got out of the car and approached the party (we were late so of course things were already in full swing), and we had a glass of lemonade from some mason jars before the announcement came that it was time to embark upon the animals. As we got closer to the managerie of smelly mammals, Havely clung tighter to my side. She had made up her mind all of a sudden that she was scared and spent most of the "animal time" playing with the farm yard yellow lab with a stick, because of course it isn't like we do this at home all the time with a different lab and a tennis ball. Finally I get her to approach a Llama and pet it, mind you there is only an inch of this sucker that isn't covered in burs, so we pick that spot and scratch. She decides hey maybe they aren't all that bad and lets down her guard and takes turns petting various animals. After all the excitement we eat, open presents, and then the grand finale is the giant bull that all the kids get to take their picture on. This thing is HUGE. Everyone is waiting in line and we are all sweating like crazy. One of the horses we parked right by the picnic table that some of the kids were waiting at and decided that he was going to relieve himself. So the waterfall comes down and is splashing all over the kids and I quickly grab my child and the little man closest to her and rush them out of the way, whew crisis averted. Just when I think we are in the clear, Havely's new pooch pal saunders over behind the horse and the horse gives him a quick gut check with his hind hoof. The dog yelps and Havely looks at me and I can tell she is upset by all this. Then I see the I am going to make a statement look on her face and she says to me very loudly, "Mom, that horse is an asshole, isn't he?!" I just said yes he is Have, and we don't say that word...
We came home and immediately hit the showers, crazy dirty from the farm and very sleepy from being out in the sun for two plus hours, we decided that a nap was in order. The boys apparently had the same idea, so Jaaron put Grant down, I climbed into my bed with Havely and Jaaron crashed on the couch, these are the best Saturday afternoons! 08.07.10

Despicable Me, Good day

Havely has been dying to see the movie Despicable Me. They began playing the previews for this movie back in January and the movie was just released in July so we have been hearing about it for months. We enlisted Wa Wa as the babysitter for Grant and took Havely on a date. We went to lunch first and then filled mom's purse with some candy to sneak into the theater. As we sat in the theater and waited for the movie to begin I listened to Havely tell me these elaborate stories about how bad she has wanted to see this movie and how much her life will be better after seeing it. Oh the drama, cracks me up. Jaaron sweeps in right as the previews are beginning with a bucket of popcorn and a vat of soda, enough to feed a family of 8 basically. Finally after about 6 previews the movie begins. From the beginning this movie was great. I enjoyed every minute of it, but the movie was not the only thing I enjoyed for those two hours. The theater was filled with people of all ages. There were several families and there was even a couple there in their late 70's. The movie had so many great moments, and I loved listening to Havely's reaction as well as all the people around me. In a world where so many things are turning sour and kids are in such a hurry to grow up; it was refreshing to sit in a crowd of people and be entertained and enjoy some good clean family fun. 07.31.10

Melt my heart moment

This weekend Jaaron was on shift and I was hanging with the two cutest kids in the world. We were having a lazy day and all three of us were in our pajamas, Grant was on the blanket on the floor and Havely was playing with him, while I enjoyed my coffee on the couch. Havely would get down on the ground and play with his legs and arms and tickle him and he would let out his laughs and baby squeals that I love so much. I listened with my heart full of smiles as the two of them interacted and giggled together. She would jump up and run around him and he would watch her every move, and then she would plop down beside him again and they would laugh together. It has been so exciting watching them develop their relationship and seeing it grow daily. He is in love with his sister and smiles whenever he sees her. She loves to play with him and gets as much joy from his reaction as I do. Anyway, after about 20 minutes of playing and interacting, Havely is back on the floor beside him again and gets above him and her face is right by his and she looks him in the eyes and says, "I love you so much." It was the best feeling I have ever had and one of the sweetest things I have heard. I am so excited to watch my kids grow together and develop a bond as siblings. These are the moments that make it all worth it, I love being a mom. 07.30.10

Just because you can't keep up, life doesn't stop...

What a month. We have had some serious tests of strength this month, from unexpected incidents with cars and water heaters, to sick kids and sick parents. Yesterday I was going through my schedule from last year, and noticed that every Friday in the month of June I had lunch with Ali, seems so weird that it was a year ago because I treasure it so much. This morning I woke up to the oohs and ahhs of a little boy playing with his toes and greeting the morning. Very sleepily I walked over and picked him up and put him in bed with us so that we could get to the point of alertness that he was at. He was all smiles and so were we, apparently even at 7 am happiness from a 5 month old is contagious. Five months-where did the time go? He looked so big lying there on my pillow. He is almost 16 pounds now, and there is no end in sight to this kids growth. He is almost sitting on his own, in fact he HATES to lay down. He is no longer an infant, crazy. Havely is also changing so quickly. She is so smart and so quick and one of the funniest people I know. Just the other night she got into it with Jaaron and when he had the last word, she turned to him and said, "you just broke my heart dad, you took my heart and you just broke it." Take that-how do you compete with that??? One of these days you will hear about Havely Mae the Oscar winner. I feel like I just turn my head quickly and when I turn back they have achieved a new milestone, I am not doing well with this whole getting older crap.

The Variety of my Vestibule

I love my entryway. When I walked into the door of this house for the first time, it just made me smile and I knew that this large entrance would welcome me for the rest of my life. I once heard a neighbor say that the size of my foyer was a waste of space. I must have misunderstood her, because this waste of space has become many things to the Thomas Troop.
It is a fantastic dance floor.
Many times we have turned the music up and danced wildly. Everyone joins in, Havely, Jaaron the dogs and my sisters have all done the cha cha slide, made up our own moves to it's oh so quiet, and just twirled up and down the floor to many other melodies. In fact today I danced alone with my son, the house was quiet and it was just the two of us. He is not feeling well today and the rythm of my footsteps across the cold tile floor, calmed him down enough to allow him to fall fast asleep on my shoulder...
It is a motor speedway.
We have raced all sorts of cars from end to end. Havely has raced around in her walker just getting her footing going, and now she gets in the pink jeep and has her Opa push her faster and faster while he makes engine noises for her. She throws her head back in laughter and commands him to do it again and again, and of course he complies with each request. Several Lightening McQueens have raced up and back (of course only Havely gets to be him, we all have to be the rest of the cast of cars). With a boy coming up in the ranks, I am sure there will be many more races that will commence here as well.
It is the home to Thomas field.
We have played several sports here. Soccer, football, catch with the dog (poor lamp took one for the team), and some track and field events even. I have watched a little girl go from carrying a pink soccer ball around on it, to kicking it from one end to the other and being able to run and chase it. I am sure that there will be tournaments and games played on this very court over the years and unfortunately I am sure that the lamp will not be the only casualty.
When I come home at the end of the day, I walk up my porch steps to a glass door that frames this entry way perfectly. This view is perfection. Sometimes I am greeted by a red and yellow dog, sometimes a little blond in pigtails, or a husband with a "I am glad you are home" look on his face. This entry is anything but a waste of space and I can't wait to see what else it will be transformed into over the years to come, and I will treasure each memory that comes along with it. 06.13.2010

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

This is the motto of my week. Everytime I felt like a was gaining ground the rug was completely ripped out from under my heels and I fell flat, only to know that the only choice I had was to stand back up and chance it happening yet again, and it did several times.
Enter Monday morning, oh let's start this day at say...2:00 am?? Yup, 2 am is a fine time to begin a monday everyone hates them anyway so let's make this one a real doozy. Dead tired I drag myself out of my nice soft bed after pushing a spoiled cat to the side and almost stepping on the chest of the dog next to the bed, and I slowly make my way into the kitchen to make another bottle for the boy who is determined to break me down by sleep depriving me. I swear this kid works for the CIA or some other high level government agency. So I shuffle to the kitchen like an 80 year old lady and on the way dodge a few dinosaurs and cars that my other CIA agent strategically placed to trip me up, and mix up a bottle. Feed the boy, turn off the ranting Nancy Grace (can't stand her, but she is the only non-infomercial show at this time of day**and being this sleep deprived i would probably order at least 27 sham-wow's) and head back to bed. Ah sleep at last, out cold. Next scene is me still sleeping and my little guy with eyes wide open ready to take on the day. He is just talking and laughing, which is usually really cute, but at this moment--not so much. So again I begin my twilight obstacle course, cat off, jump dog, dodge toys, zap bottle, back through dinosaur mine field and retrieve boy. I go to feed him and he rejects me like Tim Duncan does to Kry Baby Bryant. He just wants my company and wants to give me the 411 on the happenings of being a baby. Again not that cute right now. This goes on until the alarm in my bedroom, next to my peacefully sleeping critters and my day is on. I put Grant outside my bedroom door and talk to him while I get ready for the day's events. I tell him about make-up products and why I am doing my hair curly for the 16th day in a row (humidity rocks), I mean if he can tell me all about his stuff, he can surely take a turn and listen to me now right? I am somewhat ready and I run upstairs and wake sleeping beauty and get her downstairs while she tells me how mean I am for waking her up (everyday routine). Make some coffee (survival tool) put the bags in the car, grabs the kids and out the door we go-6:50 am. Put two kids in car seats and plant my mommy ass in mine and turn the key and nothing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? My car is three years old and it is a luxury car, this shit is NOT supposed to happen. I try again-FAIL. Again, again, again--no response. I feel like those nurses in the drama shows**CLEAR** nothiing "Charge to 1300"**CLEAR!!!***
Ok kids out of car, back in the house. Call Lexus-demand someone get here soon to help, she tells me that I am in luck, it will only be anywhere from 60-90 minutes for someone to show up, well lucky me. I call work and they are certainly not happy, at this point my boss has even offered to come and take me to work. Grant is getting pissed now-he has decided he is tired and hungry-perfect. Havely is watching the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while sitting in a lego wagon asking me when I am going to get her vitamins for her. Finally someone calls me from the "wrecking" company, and I frantically look around for a simple pen and paper to write down the important information the man has for me. Just in time I spy a dry erase marker on Havely's Cars table and quickly sweep away the disney tea set and chapsticks to make room for mommy's doodles. By this point I am stressed to the max. I just can't understand why it won't start. So I go back out and give it one more try and **WHALAA** it turns on!!! Run into the house, grab the baby, back in the carrier, turn off mickey mouse (someone is really mad because I killed the story and she still has not gotten her vitamins) and out the door we go again. Kids in car and down the road we go. Big sigh of relief-whew...it is only 7:30 and I won't be that late if I hurry. Call the dealership on my way to work and they set up a service appointment at 11:30, with a loaner car in reserve. Perfect, I will finish my morning and then meet my husband for lunch and get my loaner and everything will work out. I finally get to the dealership at noon, no husband he is running behind too, then the rug, remember the rug-big tug and gone again. Turns out the wonderful DMV that is well known for great service, has failed to send my renewed Driver's license, and no one is going to hand me their car with an expired license, here we go again. After dealing with this I get to choke down a wendy's jr. bacon cheeseburger while trying not to cry while my husband takes me back to work. I spend all afternoon trying to call the DMV and find out who has their head up their ass there, and as I found out-they all do. So it is now rounding the corner to 4 pm and I have two patients left, I have to get to the DMV that is 15 minutes away (according to yahoo maps) before 5 pm, and then get to Lexus before 6 pm. Ok you have accepted your challenge young grasshopper...GO!!! Angela comes to get me and takes me to the DMV, where I almost go to jail for kicking the DMV girl's ass after she shushes me and waved her pointy little finger in my face. Angela literally has to grab my arm and calm me down. Great got the little paper and now the race is on to the dealership!!! We make it to Lexus and find out that my car is done and turns out I didn't need the paper license to get my own car, again even better. Get my car and take Angela to Chuy's for dinner for all of her troubles and I attend therapy via a Texas Martini. For this week though I will find out there is not enough alcohol in San Antonio to cure the stress I will endure, wa-freakin-hoo. After leaving Chuy's I drive home with Coldplay blaring on the stereo and Fix You comes on and I just loose it. I cry, big fat tears, and just let it all go. I feel overwhelmed, and I am also sad because on a day like today I would have finished this evening with a call to Alison and we would have shared a laugh over the crazy day. I am sad that I cannot do this anymore, and I cry just a little harder...

The rest of the week turns out to be an intricate design of dominos that continue to fall one after the other. The shiny new computer that I got on Friday decided that it hated me too and none of the hearing aid software would work. Got to cancel 5 patients because of this and spend every day on the phone with a computer geek somewhere up north. Then I have a patient that has been extremely demanding that wants her hearing aid before she goes on vacation for months in Spain. I have rearranged my schedule several times for this woman. Well on Wednesday she waltz in my office and tells me that she has decided that she doesn't actually want a hearing aid right now, that she will call me later when she is ready again-fantastic!!! The computer is fixed on Thursday just in time for me to have a sigh of relief before picking up two sick kids from daycare on Friday. On Friday I am sick as well and finally get to tuck myself in at 11:30 pm...

Saturday is my redemption day though, this is my stand up eight. I know that this all will seem like a small sampling of parenthood and life, and believe me I know that there are people out there experiencing things with a magnitude far greater than this. For me this is all I could handle in this week though and I made it out with little bruising! Tonight I will hang out with my kids, my husband, and my sisters. We will eat homemade spaghetti with most of the ingredients coming from my garden. We will sit in the love sacs (I will post an entire blog soon about the ode to the love sac), and play wii and enjoy each other's company. I may fall down many times, sometimes it feels like I totally got pushed, but with all the people that I have around me to pick me up I will never stay down for long. 06.12.2010

Clark Howard is a D-Bag

No sunshine and roses tonight. I am tired. My son has woke up every three hours tonight. It is hot as hell in this house and sticky humid. I am hot. And I have some jackass telling me how to retire early and what I need to do with my money. Headline news is the only channel in the middle of the night that does not play infomercials all during the hours when normal people are sleeping. Most of the time I listen to Nancy Grace yell about someone who needs to be dragged into the depths of hell, mildly entertaining, some Jane lady that looks like a dude yell at people she talks to via satellite, ok I hate this lady too, or Joy Behar who I rather enjoy. But this morning it is Saturday and they have on Clark Howard. He is telling some caller that they need to save save save and then later in life they will be able to sit around the table and count their coins. Really?? To me this concept has never been my motto, in fact I hate this motto. I have watched people in my family live this motto and I even had an uncle save save save for retirement and live very frugally only to drop dead while running memorial weekend two years ago. All that money was in an account and had never been touched. No vacations really, never remodeled their home, never really got a new car even. He finally broke down and bought a brand new truck a month before and got to drive it a whole 100 miles before he died. So I guess I am asking what is the point of not enjoying life as you go??? I am not talking about living irresponsibly so that you need constant bail outs and you are in debt up to your eyeballs, but just taking vacations when you can afford them, driving a nice car that you enjoy, and making your home look the way you like so that you come home everyday and smile that this is YOUR place. So I am sure there are people who will read this and think I am not the brightest for living my life like this, maybe you think you have it all figured out by saving consistently for that rainy day. I have my rainy day savings, but I also will be out playing in the sunshine. Take that Clark Howard-oh and ps-you look like a giant rodent, kinda possum like. 05.22.10

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

I went back to work two weeks ago, and I am glad to be back among adults and doing what I love, but trying to work out a balance with work and home has been tough. I am burning the candle at both ends, and apparently this week they met. Getting up at 3 am for feedings and then trying to get out of bed at 5 again is like waking the dead. By the time the evening hours roll around I am on total auto pilot. On Thursday it really started to become apparent just how much I needed some rest when I brushed my teeth with a healthy dollop of Oil of Olay in the morning, later that day while talking to my sister on the phone when the conversation ended instead of hanging up the phone I just reached out and turned the key on my car and turned it off and just sat there for a moment before realizing what I had done. Later that evening I was unloading the dishwasher and while sorting out the silverware caught myself putting the stuff from the drawer into the dishwasher caddy. At this point I was just overwhelmed and called my mom to make sure I wasn't going totally crazy. Finally everything was done for the night and I went in to take a bath and just try to wash my mind clean of the day. Earlier I had gotten a call from the new Unitron rep (Ali's old job) and turns out they gave her the same phone number (thanks to whoever decided that was a good idea), and so my phone rings and I look and it says that Alison is calling me. It hit me hard and I had to try to compose myself just to get through the workday. Well with all of today's and this weeks events, I just let go and cried myself to sleep. Friday morning I woke up to a wonderful Texas rainstorm and it felt rejuvenating. I love the rain here, the sky lights up, the thunder is loud enough to shake the house and the rain drops are so large you can hear them smack the ground when they hit, it is almost hypnotic. So I decided to take on Friday and turn this week around. I had a wonderful day at work and then got done early and was able to come home for an hour and regroup. Picked up the kids and did the nightly routine. But when I was putting Havely to bed, I leaned over for my kiss and she took out her pa and said, "mom, let's just talk for a minute." I said ok let's do that. She told me stories all about her animals and told me how much she loved to play. She told me all about the pies and cakes she has been making outside for everyone's birthday (mud pies are the best). I sat and listened and watched the amazing excitement on her face and new this was my reward for making it through the week. After a long conversation with my now very sleepy little girl, she finally fell asleep. I came downstairs and did the same. At 3 am as usual I am up with the boy and get him fed and then he just won't settle down. So I put him out on my lap and he just starts babbling and smiling at me, again my rainbow at the end of the storm. So I sat with him for a while and cooed and smiled and giggled until he too began to drift off in my arms. So now it is almost 4:30 am, and yes I am blogging again (I do my best work at night) because I don't want to miss the freshness of this moment. Having a family is hard work, and being a mom with a career is tough, but there are so many rainbows that outshine the rain that make it all worthwhile...
05.15.10

Wind Chimes and Baby Breath

It's 3 am and my last week of maternity leave. I should be sleeping, but I don't want to forget my moment tonight, so I am writing at 3 am...

Grant woke up at 1:30 and I lay in bed for a bit wondering if he was going to fall back asleep. Then I just smiled when I heard him making his ooooo noise. This is the noise he makes right now when he is happy. I love it. I go over to get him and he sees me and gives me the gummy grin and makes another oooo noise.

The feeding doesn't go so well, lots of spit up. He pukes all over me and himself, I have to change both of us, but while I am changing him he starts his oooo noise again and then giggles while I am trying to get his arms in and out of the sleeves. He can turn me from frustration to melting my heart in a matter of seconds and he is good at it too, watch out ladies this little guy is going to break some hearts.

Finally after two bottles he is full and relaxed and I bring him up close and put him on my shoulder to burp. The house is quite and dimly lit. The wind is blowing slightly outside and I can hear my wind chimes making their rhythmic melody. I can hear his little breaths coming out and I can feel them on my cheek. I love this moment. I want it to last forever. I could sit here all night and just take this all in.

I sat there for almost an hour holding him and thinking about the time that I have gotten to spend with him, just our time at night. I know he will start sleeping through the night and I will be thankful for that, but right now I am thankful that I have these moments. Soon enough he will be too antsy to let me just hold him and feel his breath on my cheek. So I have to write about it when it is fresh in my mind so I can re-visit this anytime I want and get just a small sample of this moment back and he will know how much the small things mean to me. 04.30.10

Who hit the Fast Forward button???

One week left, how is that even possible? I went on maternity leave the last week in January and I was looking forward to enjoying every second of the next three months. Here I sit with one week left and I feel like I blinked and the entire thing just vanished...

Grant has grown so fast and is a very good baby. At our last checkup (two month) he weighed 13 lbs. and was 22 inches long. This kid does not miss a meal, believe me I feel like I am constantly feeding him!!! The pediatrician is amazed that he can already hold his head up on his own and is already trying to sit up on his own, in fact he hates to lay flat with you and pulls himself to a sitting position all the time. I think he is the cutest little boy I have ever seen and he is smiling and talking and making my heart melt everyday. I can't believe how fast he is growing. I can't believe he is 3 months old today...

Ok now onto the real time flying. Havely turned 4 this weekend, FOUR!!! We made this birthday one to remember since life with a new baby has been a little hard on her. We rented a bounce house and a cotton candy machine, loaded the kitchen with food and filled the patio with family and friends. On her cake all she wanted was a "giant four", no pink, no girlie stuff, so they put a little number 4 with pink and purple icing and a freakin tiara on it, well done HEB bakery. The party itself was amazing though and all the kids went home loaded with sugar to the max and exhausted from hours of bouncing. After the sun went down I lay with Havely in the bouncer and looked at the stars and told her I couldn't believe how fast she had grown. She gave me a giant hug and told me "mom today was a great day." I just hugged her back and held back the tears, because I know that time is just going to continue to go faster and my kids are going to grow way to quickly. I chose to freeze this moment for me to look back at and remember a little four year old with curly cue pigtails that had one of the best days ever and I got to share it with her.

We had professional photos taken on March 19, and I would like to share some of them with you and also a picture or two from Havely's party. It's late and I should be headed to bed, but I don't want to because tomorrow they are just another day older and I am one more day closer to not being able to stay home with them during the week and just watch in amazement as they grow. I really love this mom thing. 04.26.10

You are my Sonshine...

January 26, 2010

4:00 am: Wide awake, staring up at the ceiling looking at the time, today is the day that I will add an addition to my family. Today is the day I will have a son, a little boy, just thinking it sounds so weird to me.

4:15 am: Get out of bed finally. Takes me about 3 minutes just to be able to stand up. This pregnancy is brutal, my hips and back hurt so bad that I feel as if I am about 80 and have arthritis as bad as at gets, nope just really preggo and ready to have my body back.

4:30 am: Hot shower, relaxing and still a race is running in my mind. Do I have everything I need for the hospital? Is everything ready for the baby to come home? How will Havely do without me for two days? How will Havely react to having her baby brother home? When is the last time I scrubbed this tile in here?

5:15 am: Angela shows up and is pretty awake for this early in the AM. She is going to spend the morning with Havely and then take her to daycare so that Havely can have somewhat of a normal day. Now I am getting nervous, it is time to go, time to do this. I say goodbye to the dogs, make my husband change his shirt (there will be pictures today, one of us has to look decent), and go upstairs for one last moment with Havely. She is upside down in her bed as usual, I turn her back around, kiss her on the forehead and then head downstairs. The next time I come home I will be a mom of two.

The ride to the hospital is good, it is cold and raining today. Traffic is very light, and Jaaron and I talk about different things as we go down the highway, and discuss how excited we are to be parents to another child. We arrive at the hospital, and gather our belongings and check in. I sign all the paperwork and we are off to check into room 17. We are greeted by my nurse Kathi, who had one of the most welcoming smiles and personalities, I just knew today was going to be a good day.

6:30 am: IV is in and was done in one shot, with Havely I had many many problems with this and ended up with two horribly bruised forearms to hold a baby in, OUCH! So I was very happy that this went well, one thing down. Pitocin was started and the contractions came with it. The first hour was not too bad, they were coming every 4 minutes but it was nothing I couldn't handle, I was even able to keep up with the conversation.

7:00 am: Jessica arrived and was ready for the day. She even brought a bag full of snacks for the team and some activity books. She was ready to be here for the long run. Contractions were getting a bit worse by this time, but I was still doing pretty well.

8:00 am: Dr. Feinstein enters the room and is ready to get things progressing. I am only dilated to 3 cm. She takes a small hook and breaks my water. This is when things really get going. Contractions get worse and more frequent. I am trying my best to hold out and get through them, but by 9 am, I have decided that it is time to throw in the towel and get the epidural.

9:15 am: Where in the hell is the anesthesiologist? These suckers are brutal and I am ready to kill my husband for doing this to me. Good god how do women do this naturally? They must be crazy or already self medicated. Dr. Rhodes enters the room and I think he is surrounded by an aura of light, he is here to end my suffering, my knight in shining armour!

9:20 am: Epidural is in-this doc is not kidding around. He is quick like lightening and very good. In one swift move he puts in more meds and my legs go numb, ahh tree trunks and no pain. This feeling is so strange, I cannot feel anything from my sternum south, but the contractions are not blinding me anymore and that makes me one happy girl.

I cannot really give you much of a timeline right now, this is where things began to get a bit fuzzy. I could not maintain my temperature and kept shaking uncontrollably. I was layered in warm blankets but yet still shivering. I also felt like I was off in space a bit, just not myself really. Then the baby's heart rate would drop with each contraction. They told me that the cord was probably stretching when there were contractions so they needed to put me on some oxygen so that we could make sure he was getting all he could. This freaked me out a bit because I knew the cord was around his neck. Havely's was as well, and she is fine so I am trying to focus on the fact that they know what they are doing and if he was in danger they would make the best decision.

11:55 am: Dr. Feinstein is back to check on me. I am dilated to about 6 cm, but the baby is at zero position, so she wants the nurse to have me do a test push. She is off to check on her pre-op and will check in with me before she goes into surgery. Either this baby is coming now, or I have to wait about two hours.

12:00 pm: Kathi waits for a contraction and tells me to push. A count of ten and she tells me to stop. She announces that this baby is ready and calls the doc back up. It is time, I am going to have my baby soon, be able to see him and hold him. Jessica calls Angela to let her know what is going on, but Ang is stuck in traffic and is trying to get to the hospital as fast as she can.

12:10 pm: We are ready to go, doc is in place, nurse is ready, Jaaron is ready and Jess is a go. Wait for a contraction and GO!!! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,...STOP. He is out. I can see him. The cord is wrapped around his neck, the doctor gets her fingers in there immediately and has Jaaron cut the cord. She then pulls him the rest of the way out and puts him up for me to see. He is perfect. So perfect.

Grant Robert Thomas was born at 12:15 pm on Tuesday January 26, 2010. He weighed 5 lbs., 12 oz, and was 19 1/2 inches long. At this moment I feel in love with a boy so deeply and more than I ever thought I could. He has me mesmerized by every move he makes. My heart sings with happiness just looking at him.

8:00 pm: Mindi arrives at the hospital with Havely. My son and my daughter get to meet each other for the first time. This is priceless, this is my moment. I watch her watch him and hold him and I see a change in her face. She is a big sister now and she will be one of the best. She is in love with a boy also and I know that my kids will share a bond so great and I can't wait to watch them interact in life. Yup this is all mushy gushy love stuff, but when you are a mom and have wonderful kids you will understand the mushy gushy stuff is the best. As a mom life little moments are just as important as the big ones, and I plan to cherish every bit of them.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.

It's all in the cards...

So the other night for our bachelorette dinner I took Havely to Sonic, yes I know I'm a great mom, anyway with her "wacky pack" she got these lame playing cards. All of them say 7 ate 9 on them and then have a number 1-10 on the other side, lame and boring. So these basically are going to end up in the trash and soon. Well here it is two nights later and the cards are littering my coffee table and I plan on throwing them away tonight, the clutter is killing me. Well Havely just saved their lame little lives. She is playing restaurant and just brought me a "rootbeer" and then turned around and grabbed one of the cards off the table, she then says wow this one says that you get one hug. She climbs up on the couch and puts her little arms around my neck and squeezes me with all she's got. She then gets down grabs another card and says this one says you get a big kiss, and again climbs onto the couch and give me a smooch. I think I'll keep these cards. Maybe later when she is a teenager and too cool to show affection for mom, I will break out the lame little cards and say hey this one says I get a hug and what do you know, this one is worth a kiss! She is growing so fast and in about two weeks we will be adding another family member when my son is born. It's these moments that I chose to remember, the little ones, even if it came in the form of a cheap pack of cards from a fast food joint. 01.07.10