Kindergarten and booster seats

What a week. In four days I feel like time has aged me a year or more and my kids became older in a blink. Havely became a big Kindergartner this week. On Monday, wait rewind, on Sunday night the kinder clouds rolled in and the tension turned high. I was trying to prepare her for the week and becoming a school kid, and she of course was finding ways to talk me out of it. We picked out an outfit, snuggled, and read "The Kissing Hand", and as I read about little Chester being brave and going to school, my eyes stung with hot tears that I quickly wiped away. I tucked her in, and told her how exciting the next morning would be, turned on the noise and walked out of the room. I then headed down the stairs and grabbed the nearest phone for mom support. She comforted me, just as she had always done and then told me it was going to go great, Havely is going to love school. I went to bed that night with anxiety and awoke at 4 am, going through my mental checklist making sure everything was going to be perfect. At 5 I finally got out of bed to begin the execution of my list. First get me ready, it's the first day of school, I have to look good walking her up there right? Next go wake up the big school girl, OK this is where things started to go south. I snuggled up to her and said, "good morning my little kindergartner" and she immediately started crying. She told me to go away she needed more sleep, then she sternly stated that she was not going to kinder and that was that. I helped her feet to the floor, directed her to the sink, brushed her teeth for her, and got her dressed, all while she cried and pleaded with me to not go to school. I got her downstairs and attempted to do her hair perfectly to match the outfit that I carefully picked out the night before. We made her favorite breakfast and then I gave it my best shot to take some first day of school photos. She fought me every step of the way. Then we began the walk up to the school, and half way there Havely starts dragging her feet and of course I get worried that we are going to be late, and not on the first day! I asked her if she wanted me to push Grant and her dad could carry her. She simply stated, "no mom, I want you to go get the car!" Jaaron scooped her up and carried her to the corner of the school grounds, walking up the hill, she turned to us and said, "I think my batteries are running out." This kid cracks me up! We headed into the school and as we walked through the halls, I felt her hand tighten on mine. This is when mom's heart starts to hurt. I knew she was truly scared. We got to the class and it was time for us to say goodbye, and she panicked. She was in a place that she hadn't really been before with complete strangers, and we were about to turn and walk away. I assured her that she would be okay and gave the tightest hug I could. I kissed her hand and told her to hold onto it tightly, and I would be with her all day. We left and I just felt empty. I didn't cry, I just felt lost. We had breakfast and I just hung around the house waiting for the clock to turn to 2:20 so I could head back to the school and pick her up. I was anxious and excited and ready to reclaim my child. We waited in line and they brought them out and she ran and jumped into Jaaron's arms. I couldn't wait to hear all about her first day. We got in the car and I started asking questions and she just shut me down at each one, then told me she really didn't want to talk. We came home and she headed upstairs to play, and she just wanted to be alone for a while. I was at a loss, I just wanted her to blab to me all about every detail, and she just wanted to decompress from the day. The rest of the week was pretty much the same daily routine, and I was really getting worried that she was going to just hate school. I was trying to keep a positive attitude and show my happy face the entire week, but it was starting to break me down. On Wednesday I came home later than usual and found that Jaaron had fed Grant at the table and he did great. He was happy and told me about how Grant is ready for his own seat at the table and that we were done with the highchair. It was at this moment that I lost it. I suddenly knew why the black cloud was following me all week. My babies were growing up and I did not like it. I couldn't believe we were at the point of having a kid in school and another that was becoming so independent. I know that this is a common theme in my blog, but I really just feel like I have blinked and weeks go by. In the moment it feels like you are just living, but when you look back it happened so fast. I am happy that my kids are doing so well and becoming these little people that can do so much, but I just wish I could sometimes just cuddle and love on them or revisit times in their lives. I am glad that I started this blog, it will give me something to always look back on, and something that my kids can read and smile about. Ferris Bueller said it perfectly: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 08.26.11

Time moves in one direction, memory in another.

Two weeks and my little girl starts kindergarten. I have muttered the words, "where did the time go?" and "how did this happen?" way too much over the past few months. The day we registered her for Kinder, I walked out of the elementary school hand in hand with my husband and my eyes filled with tears. I cannot believe she is old enough to go in there daily and sit in those dwarf size chairs and walk down the hall and learn from a complete stranger. Am I supposed to trust these people, are they going to make sure she is safe? Is she going to like school? Is she going to make friends or be the kid who does her own thing? So many unknowns. Every adventure and new chapter in life has too many unknowns, but somehow we make it through. I became a mom in a moment and it changed my life completely, and there were trying times and so many wonderful memories, but each day we get one day older and that all adds up, quickly. All we have are the memories and the way we handled each day. Havely has been the most wonderful daughter any mother could ask for, and I get to be her mom. She has made my heart swell since day one, and she has entertained all of us for years now. I love her personality and I see so much of myself in her. I know she is confident and independent, and I will have to remind myself that this is what I do love about her when she is pushing that self determination against me. I have put some photos of her on here, her transition from baby girl to little girl to school girl. It is ironic that lately she has been carrying this small silver clock around that she found in a cabinet in my bedroom. She takes it everywhere with her and tells me it is a magic clock and it turns colors and can take us to anywhere in time. She always tells me that she is going to dates in the future, and all I want to do it grab it and turn it back a few years and make it slow down. Love you Havely, you will do great in school! 08.11.11

Dog Days of Summer

I have no idea who came up with that saying or what it exactly means. We have had over 45 days of over 100 degree heat here in south Texas and there is no end in sight. Hurricane Don began to head our way, but apparently it was no match for extreme drought and ran off into the gulf. We have not been able to do too much outside, but we have taken advantage of the summer fun and enjoyed some family time outside as well as inside. The kids are growing just like the sunflowers outside, quickly and everyday it seems that they blossom more. Havely is already 5 and is enjoying her last summer before she become a big Kindergartner in the fall. I cannot believe how much she has changed and how smart she is. Sometimes her wits add so much to the day, but sometimes they turn on me and can light my nerves on fire in an instant. She is gorgeous, and her skin is tanning and those blue eyes of hers just sparkle. She is testing at a second grade level and I think school will go well for her. I am just worried she might not be challenged enough and get bored. A bored Havely is one who wanders and talks and gets into a bit of trouble. I am gathering things for her to begin this adventure. This past weekend Havely, Angela and I went school shopping. We had a fantastic day. Lunch then shopping, and hearing Havely tell us that certain items were wonderful and gorgeous, I love her expressions. Today I ordered her dinosaur backpack, a pink one with spikes, she will surely standout.
Grant is changing even faster. He is not my baby anymore, he is a little boy that collects cars and plays with bugs. He is talking and is interacting with us for many things. He also signs and that is helping with some of his frustration with the words not coming out quite right. He loves his cars. He will carry up to 6 of them around at once, having them stacked in his chubby little arms and hugging them to his chest. I love to engage in play with him just as much as I like being an observer to his world. He is so smart and takes everything in before he makes an decision or takes action. He has already figured out the baby gates, goes up and down stairs, and can climb on most things. He has even figured out if he can't reach something to push something over to it, to use as a stool to reach it. He is the cutest boy I have ever laid eyes on, and I am not the only one to voice this opinion. He has so many expressions and I am sure that when he gets older and has friends, he will be the life of the room with them, just as he is to us right now.
Havely and Grant's relationship is like a roller coaster, but with mostly ups. They fight as most siblings do, most of the time it is because Havely is being bossy and tries to control him, and he in turn takes a chunk of that nice blond hair and yanks it. He is holding his own the best he knows how, but Havely better get all the jabs in while she can because in about two years he will be able to squash her like a bug. The moments that take my breath away are when they sit and read together, or spend hours playing together. Lately they have been playing in the game room in the kitchen, Grant is the screaming short order cook and Havely is the waitress. It is simply hilarious. I love going to the cafe to get bowls full of plastic food and watching them play, it is one of the best places in town.
Jackson and Genevieve are growing quickly as well, seems to be the theme around these parts. They are talking like crazy and are close to becoming somewhat mobile. I really hope Angela and Keith are ready for a dual tornado, because those kids are about to rock their world. They know their general surroundings now, and have also become familiar with me and my family. We have been spending a lot of time together recently and I love that when those kids hear me or see me they grin and get chubby cheeks and do the baby excited kick and arms flailing, basically it says, AUNT MACK ROCKS!!! Watching the kids grow is only half of the equation that I love right now. Watching my sister and Keith grow as parents has been just as delightful. They handle the duo well and I am proud of how they work together so well. It has been so satisfying to see them with their kids and watch all four of them as a family unit. It makes my heart swell and I also dream of the days when all of us can pack up the runts and head out on vacations and mini adventures together!
Overall summer has been good, we have gotten in load of pools day, Havely is now a proficient swimmer, can dive for rings and even can now do flips underwater. She has amazed even herself with her aqua abilities. Not to be outdone, Grant is a little waterbug too. We had to get him a puddle jumper just so he could keep up with his sister. He has no fear of the water, which fills me with terror, and jumps in all on his own. We are going to attempt swim lessons with him this fall, with hopes of the possibility of putting a pool in the backyard come springtime. A large investment, but I know it will get it use.
The other night we spent time playing outside in the evening and enjoying a "cooler" day (I think it was only 92). We colored on the sidewalk with chalk, ran around with the dogs and just enjoyed the night. It's summer nights like this that I thrive on. The nights were for just a bit, life seems damn near perfect. The time when you just live in the moment and take every bit in, in hopes that it will become permanently imprinted in your memory for later. We ignored bedtimes, we ran without shoes, we got dirty. The dogs ran around without any restrain, and the kids laughed in delight as they rounded the house chasing each other. Jaaron and I just laughed and got right into the mix. This is my definition of the "dog days of summer". 08.02.11

It's for the monsters.

I have learned that I should never be surprised at what my four year old comes up with. Her thoughts and imagination are entertainment at it's finest and I am the captive audience waiting and wanting more. Havely's vocabulary has become never ending and her use of it is pretty precise. She has told me lately that things are impressive to her, she is amazed at some things she encounters and the list goes on. Last night I was putting her to bed and she ran up to Buster the Beta's tank and gasping for air told me to come and look at his babies. I walk over and in one of her plastic tea cups there are about 50 clear beads. I was amazing at how inventive she had been and then immediately perplexed at where in the hell all these beads had magically appeared from. I said, "Havely where did the new eggs come from?" She quickly dashed across the room and retrieved a beanie moose she had that was now beanie-less. She said the moose was tired of having a heavy butt so she took care of it, and when she did both her and the moose were happy. Well of course, I would be happy too if someone magically made my bottom instantly "less heavy". It was time to brush the teeth and she told me that she needed privacy and that she could be trusted to get the sugar bugs off herself. She told me that there was 15,000 billion of them and she managed to get rid of them all. I said that is some amazing toothpaste and brushing. Now it is time for her to be tucked into bed. I pull back the covers and where the usual mob of stuffed animals are, there is also a lightening mcqueen baseball bat. I had to look away so she didn't see me laughing. She jumped into bed and I sat down and grabbed the handle of the bat and asked why there was a bat in her bed. Her eyes got wide and she said, "mom, it is so I can hit the monsters on the head at night." Who is going to argue with that? Not me, no way she has a baseball bat! 01.25.2011

Who hit the Fast Forward button???

One week left, how is that even possible? I went on maternity leave the last week in January and I was looking forward to enjoying every second of the next three months. Here I sit with one week left and I feel like I blinked and the entire thing just vanished...

Grant has grown so fast and is a very good baby. At our last checkup (two month) he weighed 13 lbs. and was 22 inches long. This kid does not miss a meal, believe me I feel like I am constantly feeding him!!! The pediatrician is amazed that he can already hold his head up on his own and is already trying to sit up on his own, in fact he hates to lay flat with you and pulls himself to a sitting position all the time. I think he is the cutest little boy I have ever seen and he is smiling and talking and making my heart melt everyday. I can't believe how fast he is growing. I can't believe he is 3 months old today...

Ok now onto the real time flying. Havely turned 4 this weekend, FOUR!!! We made this birthday one to remember since life with a new baby has been a little hard on her. We rented a bounce house and a cotton candy machine, loaded the kitchen with food and filled the patio with family and friends. On her cake all she wanted was a "giant four", no pink, no girlie stuff, so they put a little number 4 with pink and purple icing and a freakin tiara on it, well done HEB bakery. The party itself was amazing though and all the kids went home loaded with sugar to the max and exhausted from hours of bouncing. After the sun went down I lay with Havely in the bouncer and looked at the stars and told her I couldn't believe how fast she had grown. She gave me a giant hug and told me "mom today was a great day." I just hugged her back and held back the tears, because I know that time is just going to continue to go faster and my kids are going to grow way to quickly. I chose to freeze this moment for me to look back at and remember a little four year old with curly cue pigtails that had one of the best days ever and I got to share it with her.

We had professional photos taken on March 19, and I would like to share some of them with you and also a picture or two from Havely's party. It's late and I should be headed to bed, but I don't want to because tomorrow they are just another day older and I am one more day closer to not being able to stay home with them during the week and just watch in amazement as they grow. I really love this mom thing. 04.26.10

It's all in the cards...

So the other night for our bachelorette dinner I took Havely to Sonic, yes I know I'm a great mom, anyway with her "wacky pack" she got these lame playing cards. All of them say 7 ate 9 on them and then have a number 1-10 on the other side, lame and boring. So these basically are going to end up in the trash and soon. Well here it is two nights later and the cards are littering my coffee table and I plan on throwing them away tonight, the clutter is killing me. Well Havely just saved their lame little lives. She is playing restaurant and just brought me a "rootbeer" and then turned around and grabbed one of the cards off the table, she then says wow this one says that you get one hug. She climbs up on the couch and puts her little arms around my neck and squeezes me with all she's got. She then gets down grabs another card and says this one says you get a big kiss, and again climbs onto the couch and give me a smooch. I think I'll keep these cards. Maybe later when she is a teenager and too cool to show affection for mom, I will break out the lame little cards and say hey this one says I get a hug and what do you know, this one is worth a kiss! She is growing so fast and in about two weeks we will be adding another family member when my son is born. It's these moments that I chose to remember, the little ones, even if it came in the form of a cheap pack of cards from a fast food joint. 01.07.10