One year ago I met the most adorable boy

Happy Birthday to my baby boy. Grant is now a year old, my little guy is growing so fast.
That one line I had written before I left to go have dinner and celebrate Grant's very first birthday, and I intended to finish this post later that evening when he was sound asleep in his bed. I had no idea that we were about to face the most frightening night as parents.
We went to dinner that evening to celebrate BG's first birthday, and how happy we are to have him in our family. Life is just better! As we sat at the table and discussed our day with each other, I fed Grant and then he began coughing. Well he has a horrible gag reflex and before we knew it all the Gerber goodness was all over me, him and the floor. I began cleaning him up, told the waitress to box it up and we headed home. When we got home he seemed fine and we were sure the coughing is what lead to the eruption at the restaurant. I went to put him to bed and then he became fussy again, not just I don't want to sleep, but I am in pain help me fussy. I gave him Tylenol thinking that it was his teething, and finally he drifted into dreaming. I laid him down and went downstairs to relax. After this moment everything is basically a blur. He woke up screaming 45 minutes after being laid down. From this point on we could NOT get him comfortable. He would pass out from shear exhaustion on us and then when we laid him in his bed, BAM crying again. Finally at about 11 that evening I threw in the towel and told Jaaron I was just going to sleep in his room and watch him. I laid there for about 3 minutes when I heard his breathing change. I was sure he was going to throw up again so I jumped up and sat him forward. As soon as my hands slid under his tiny arms, his entire body began to quake and his gaze was far off and distant. I screamed for help and it seemed like minutes before my husband came bursting into the room. Through panic and tears I stammered, "I think he is having a seizure!" Jaaron swept him from my arms and we immediately got him in the car to head to the hospital. Our neighbor came over and watched Havely and we were off. The drive to the hospital again seemed to last forever, it was like I was frozen and things were just moving to slow. Jaaron held his hand on the drive and he seized several more times. When I parked I told him to get Grant and meet me at the desk. I stepped out of the car and set out on a dead sprint. I don't think I have ran that fast since I was timed in High School. They took us back immediately and took his temperature. 105, he came in at 105. All of a sudden I felt like I was from the outside watching this happen. I know kids die or have permanent damage from fevers this high, how did I let this happen. We were rushed down a long hallway and taken to a room where we were met with a team of nurses and a physician. He was given meds immediately. Grant was still in a far off stare, it was like he just wasn't present, no crying, no big response. Over the course of the next few hours we put our son through x-rays, blood work, urine analysis, two IV's, one round of potent antibiotics, a cat scan of his head, and the one thing that almost killed us as parents, a lumbar spinal tap. During all of these procedures I felt completely helpless, but when it came time to do the spinal tap, I truly felt like my heart was just being stomped on repeatedly while I heard him scream in fear and pain and I could not be there to comfort him. The nurse who held him sang in his ear to try and calm him and I fell into my husbands arms hoping that my son was okay and that this nightmare would end soon. As soon as they finished I scooped up my son and assured him that I was there for him and turned to see my husband sweating and flushed. He just turned and walked out of the room. Grant finally calmed and I silently cried, while i repeatedly kissed his head and traced his face with my shaking fingers. My husband appeared back in the room after about 15 minutes. The whole incident was just too much for him to handle and for the first time ever, he almost passed out. This is a man who pulls mangled victims from car accidents and encounters people on a daily basis at the worst point in their life-and is usually unscathed. Having your child go through pain and fear just does something to your heart as a parent and messes with your mind. Finally Grant took one big yawn and fell asleep against my chest. I finally felt a bit of peace. In the next couple of hours the mood in the room slowly begin to change from fear to hope. Each person we encountered had good news regarding test results, and we were quickly coming out of the dark hole I felt that we were sinking into. After all was said and done and going through a night in the ER, and a morning at the pediatricians and a couple more tests we finally got home at 1:00 pm that next day. The cause of this whole horror was bilateral ear infections. How horrible did I feel, I am an ear specialist and missed this? Guilt ridden and exhausted I finally crashed and put the entire event to rest, and so did the little boy who was now a year old. What a crappy birthday, certainly one to remember, but for all the wrong reasons. Next year I demand a do over, my guy deserves so much more. I love you Grant and tonight I was tested to the extreme as a parent, but it was clear to me that I would do anything for you, and always will. 01.26.11

It's for the monsters.

I have learned that I should never be surprised at what my four year old comes up with. Her thoughts and imagination are entertainment at it's finest and I am the captive audience waiting and wanting more. Havely's vocabulary has become never ending and her use of it is pretty precise. She has told me lately that things are impressive to her, she is amazed at some things she encounters and the list goes on. Last night I was putting her to bed and she ran up to Buster the Beta's tank and gasping for air told me to come and look at his babies. I walk over and in one of her plastic tea cups there are about 50 clear beads. I was amazing at how inventive she had been and then immediately perplexed at where in the hell all these beads had magically appeared from. I said, "Havely where did the new eggs come from?" She quickly dashed across the room and retrieved a beanie moose she had that was now beanie-less. She said the moose was tired of having a heavy butt so she took care of it, and when she did both her and the moose were happy. Well of course, I would be happy too if someone magically made my bottom instantly "less heavy". It was time to brush the teeth and she told me that she needed privacy and that she could be trusted to get the sugar bugs off herself. She told me that there was 15,000 billion of them and she managed to get rid of them all. I said that is some amazing toothpaste and brushing. Now it is time for her to be tucked into bed. I pull back the covers and where the usual mob of stuffed animals are, there is also a lightening mcqueen baseball bat. I had to look away so she didn't see me laughing. She jumped into bed and I sat down and grabbed the handle of the bat and asked why there was a bat in her bed. Her eyes got wide and she said, "mom, it is so I can hit the monsters on the head at night." Who is going to argue with that? Not me, no way she has a baseball bat! 01.25.2011

Grant is walking!

We knew it was close, Grant has been pulling himself up and walking around furniture since the beginning of November, and each day the little guy became increasingly more daring and faster at the task. I have watched him take one step from the table to the couch, or reaching out for me, but then he would just fall into me and laugh at his accomplishment. The other night we were all in the family room playing and I was farther away from him and he turned, smiled, took in a big breath and started walking to me. He took four steps and then fell into my arms with his 8 tooth grin so proud and happy with himself. Then Jaaron and I sat across each other on the floor and watched him stumble back and fourth between us, increasing the distance slowly. He was walking! It is so amazing to watch your kids reach their milestones in life, but it is also bittersweet. My little baby is growing up so fast. As we sat and watched him walk, I remembered Havely's first steps when i was on the phone ordering Chinese take-out, she was so little, and now it seems like so long ago. I looked over and there is my little girl encouraging her brother to walk to her as well, and cheering him on. I couldn't help but beam with happiness when I watched this, and I laughed out loud when Havely said, "Santa is going to be so proud of him!" This was a great night in the Thomas house, and I am so glad that I have a front row seat in my child's lives, watching them grow, even if it is too fast. 01.06.2011