One year ago I met the most adorable boy

Happy Birthday to my baby boy. Grant is now a year old, my little guy is growing so fast.
That one line I had written before I left to go have dinner and celebrate Grant's very first birthday, and I intended to finish this post later that evening when he was sound asleep in his bed. I had no idea that we were about to face the most frightening night as parents.
We went to dinner that evening to celebrate BG's first birthday, and how happy we are to have him in our family. Life is just better! As we sat at the table and discussed our day with each other, I fed Grant and then he began coughing. Well he has a horrible gag reflex and before we knew it all the Gerber goodness was all over me, him and the floor. I began cleaning him up, told the waitress to box it up and we headed home. When we got home he seemed fine and we were sure the coughing is what lead to the eruption at the restaurant. I went to put him to bed and then he became fussy again, not just I don't want to sleep, but I am in pain help me fussy. I gave him Tylenol thinking that it was his teething, and finally he drifted into dreaming. I laid him down and went downstairs to relax. After this moment everything is basically a blur. He woke up screaming 45 minutes after being laid down. From this point on we could NOT get him comfortable. He would pass out from shear exhaustion on us and then when we laid him in his bed, BAM crying again. Finally at about 11 that evening I threw in the towel and told Jaaron I was just going to sleep in his room and watch him. I laid there for about 3 minutes when I heard his breathing change. I was sure he was going to throw up again so I jumped up and sat him forward. As soon as my hands slid under his tiny arms, his entire body began to quake and his gaze was far off and distant. I screamed for help and it seemed like minutes before my husband came bursting into the room. Through panic and tears I stammered, "I think he is having a seizure!" Jaaron swept him from my arms and we immediately got him in the car to head to the hospital. Our neighbor came over and watched Havely and we were off. The drive to the hospital again seemed to last forever, it was like I was frozen and things were just moving to slow. Jaaron held his hand on the drive and he seized several more times. When I parked I told him to get Grant and meet me at the desk. I stepped out of the car and set out on a dead sprint. I don't think I have ran that fast since I was timed in High School. They took us back immediately and took his temperature. 105, he came in at 105. All of a sudden I felt like I was from the outside watching this happen. I know kids die or have permanent damage from fevers this high, how did I let this happen. We were rushed down a long hallway and taken to a room where we were met with a team of nurses and a physician. He was given meds immediately. Grant was still in a far off stare, it was like he just wasn't present, no crying, no big response. Over the course of the next few hours we put our son through x-rays, blood work, urine analysis, two IV's, one round of potent antibiotics, a cat scan of his head, and the one thing that almost killed us as parents, a lumbar spinal tap. During all of these procedures I felt completely helpless, but when it came time to do the spinal tap, I truly felt like my heart was just being stomped on repeatedly while I heard him scream in fear and pain and I could not be there to comfort him. The nurse who held him sang in his ear to try and calm him and I fell into my husbands arms hoping that my son was okay and that this nightmare would end soon. As soon as they finished I scooped up my son and assured him that I was there for him and turned to see my husband sweating and flushed. He just turned and walked out of the room. Grant finally calmed and I silently cried, while i repeatedly kissed his head and traced his face with my shaking fingers. My husband appeared back in the room after about 15 minutes. The whole incident was just too much for him to handle and for the first time ever, he almost passed out. This is a man who pulls mangled victims from car accidents and encounters people on a daily basis at the worst point in their life-and is usually unscathed. Having your child go through pain and fear just does something to your heart as a parent and messes with your mind. Finally Grant took one big yawn and fell asleep against my chest. I finally felt a bit of peace. In the next couple of hours the mood in the room slowly begin to change from fear to hope. Each person we encountered had good news regarding test results, and we were quickly coming out of the dark hole I felt that we were sinking into. After all was said and done and going through a night in the ER, and a morning at the pediatricians and a couple more tests we finally got home at 1:00 pm that next day. The cause of this whole horror was bilateral ear infections. How horrible did I feel, I am an ear specialist and missed this? Guilt ridden and exhausted I finally crashed and put the entire event to rest, and so did the little boy who was now a year old. What a crappy birthday, certainly one to remember, but for all the wrong reasons. Next year I demand a do over, my guy deserves so much more. I love you Grant and tonight I was tested to the extreme as a parent, but it was clear to me that I would do anything for you, and always will. 01.26.11