Healing Weekend

This weekend was for repair of the heart and the opening of new doors. Saturday I went with Angela to Lockhart, TX to bury Alison's ashes at a small country cemetery, and then went to her parents farm to plant a tree and spread the rest of her ashes. Seeing the box of her ashes was much harder for my heart than I had anticipated. As I stared blankly at the box, I just could not understand how my friend that I love so deeply could be neatly packed into such a small container. It made my heart heavy and ache so badly. At the ranch we all took a shovel full of soil and helped plant a live oak tree in her memory. Each person shared a memory of Ali and talked about how she had such a special place in their lives. This woman was just amazing to have touched so many people so deeply! Her father told a very touching story about the dragonfly:

The Dragonfly Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.

No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."

"We promise", they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......

I found this story very fitting and it just stuck with me. After the tree planting we went and spread the remaining ashes by the pond on the farm, a place that Ali loved to sit, relax, and read. Then we enjoyed each other's company over some delicious food at the house. It was good to hear everyone's memories and to plant some life that will carry on her memory. I know this was a small step toward mending my heart, day by day it will get better, but I will never ever forget! 11.14.09

Sweet November

Hello November, this is the month where things are going to be different, I just know it. Woke up this morning to a cool quiet house, with an extra hour added to my day. Got to sit in bed and enjoy the quiet, and thought back to the month behind me and hoped all that had happened was surely behind me. Havely got up and we cuddled for a while then came down and settled in for a great morning. Turned the TV to Mickey Mouse, got the paper, and had her help me make biscuits for breakfast. Enjoyed a cup of coffee (decaf) with my favorite pumpkin spice cream, and a couple of biscuits while I got to see Havely dance to the many songs that came on. She is incredibly entertaining if you ever get the chance to watch her move! Went to Mimi's cafe for lunch to have lunch with Chris, Alison's husband. It was good to catch up on how he was doing and talk about Ali and dealing with life without her. I know there are going to be bad and good days, but today was good and I know she was with us. Came home to a quiet house and got to enjoy a nice fall afternoon nap, love those! Woke up to being kicked in the belly several times, this kiddo is a strong one and can wake me from a deep sleep anytime he feels the need! Got up and got to cooking dinner, nice homemade lasagna, and also made it a point to get some ice cream cones for dessert. Waiting for everything to cook I took a moment to look around. My kitchen smells amazing with dinner in the oven, and I sat on the couch and looked out in my backyard. Havely and Jaaron were playing on her swingset and they both had the biggest smiles on their faces. Laramie is chasing them as they swing back and fourth and I can hear them laughing as Havely gets higher in the air. As I sit back and reflect on what I have I am glad November is here, but more than that I am so grateful for all that surrounds me. When I go through difficult times I have an amazing support system, and I have so many things in my life that most people dream about. We had a great evening, wonderful lasagna and some messy ice cream cones. I read a story to my daughter, and got a big hug and kiss before she went to bed. So if this is a preview of how November is going to go, I can surely handle this, hello November!!! 11.01.09

Halloween 2009

Once again our neighborhood comes through. Gorgeous fall day, 74 degrees, I took a little sock hop gal down to the island in our neighborhood for the Halloween party. We have this event every year and it makes me love raising my family in this community. We have pizza and snacks, and get to see all the kids in their costumes. I have to say this year (and every year) my child looked the cutest of them all. Then after the party it was on to some serious Trick or Treating. Everyone was generous with candy, she ended up filling two pumkins! I have to say the lady that "forgot" to get candy and said her husband was out getting it was the lame-o of the evening, I mean who does that? We ended up back at the house at about 7:30 pm, and Havely quickly poured out her loot and aunt Wawa and her began to take inventory. We got to talk to Opa and Nana on the webcam, and Havely got to feed a silly Opa some treats. She then played monster with Wawa and Keith was her night in shining armour, coming to her rescue just when the monster was in stricking distance! She picked Keith for stories and he got to put her to bed after a long day of candy and fun. Halloween this year was definetely a success! 10.31.09