And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

I went back to work two weeks ago, and I am glad to be back among adults and doing what I love, but trying to work out a balance with work and home has been tough. I am burning the candle at both ends, and apparently this week they met. Getting up at 3 am for feedings and then trying to get out of bed at 5 again is like waking the dead. By the time the evening hours roll around I am on total auto pilot. On Thursday it really started to become apparent just how much I needed some rest when I brushed my teeth with a healthy dollop of Oil of Olay in the morning, later that day while talking to my sister on the phone when the conversation ended instead of hanging up the phone I just reached out and turned the key on my car and turned it off and just sat there for a moment before realizing what I had done. Later that evening I was unloading the dishwasher and while sorting out the silverware caught myself putting the stuff from the drawer into the dishwasher caddy. At this point I was just overwhelmed and called my mom to make sure I wasn't going totally crazy. Finally everything was done for the night and I went in to take a bath and just try to wash my mind clean of the day. Earlier I had gotten a call from the new Unitron rep (Ali's old job) and turns out they gave her the same phone number (thanks to whoever decided that was a good idea), and so my phone rings and I look and it says that Alison is calling me. It hit me hard and I had to try to compose myself just to get through the workday. Well with all of today's and this weeks events, I just let go and cried myself to sleep. Friday morning I woke up to a wonderful Texas rainstorm and it felt rejuvenating. I love the rain here, the sky lights up, the thunder is loud enough to shake the house and the rain drops are so large you can hear them smack the ground when they hit, it is almost hypnotic. So I decided to take on Friday and turn this week around. I had a wonderful day at work and then got done early and was able to come home for an hour and regroup. Picked up the kids and did the nightly routine. But when I was putting Havely to bed, I leaned over for my kiss and she took out her pa and said, "mom, let's just talk for a minute." I said ok let's do that. She told me stories all about her animals and told me how much she loved to play. She told me all about the pies and cakes she has been making outside for everyone's birthday (mud pies are the best). I sat and listened and watched the amazing excitement on her face and new this was my reward for making it through the week. After a long conversation with my now very sleepy little girl, she finally fell asleep. I came downstairs and did the same. At 3 am as usual I am up with the boy and get him fed and then he just won't settle down. So I put him out on my lap and he just starts babbling and smiling at me, again my rainbow at the end of the storm. So I sat with him for a while and cooed and smiled and giggled until he too began to drift off in my arms. So now it is almost 4:30 am, and yes I am blogging again (I do my best work at night) because I don't want to miss the freshness of this moment. Having a family is hard work, and being a mom with a career is tough, but there are so many rainbows that outshine the rain that make it all worthwhile...
05.15.10