Act Without Expectation

4:48 is what the digital clock read on the dash of my car. I had just gotten off the phone with Jaaron and he was timed just right to meet me in the parking lot of the Towers with the kids. I was on my way to visit Esther Gates, a dear friend who amazes me every time I am with her, she is 90 and has accomplished more in her life than three people put together, I love these visits, they fulfill my heart and tonight we will visit and she will meet my kids. As I turn down the street headed towards Fort Sam, I spot a white car, similar to my grandpa's on the side of the road. As I approach closer I see an older man with a gas can in his hand trying to cross the busy road. As I pass him, I feel him tug at my heart, I realize that there is no gas station within a couple of miles and he needs help, my help. I quickly turn around and when I approach him he hasn't had a chance to get across the overloaded intersection. I pull into the median, and he turns to me with hope in his eyes and I asked him if he needs help. He slowly nods his head and then looks down and quietly says, "I do, but I have no money." I can see this man is proud and he is ashamed at the situation. I said, "well I do, so get out of the rain and let me help you." He climbs in my car and I move the items that are on the seat, he looks me in the eye and tells me thank you. As we travel in the rain, I can see that he is clean, but he doesn't have much. The Christmas songs on the radio play in the background as we go and to break the ice, I ask him how he is doing. He tells me that he is a hard worker, but is currently out of work. He tells me how hard he is struggling to make ends meet. I can tell by the strain in his voice, he is not telling me this to gain sympathy, he just is telling me how it is, and maybe just needs to talk to someone. We drive and I listen, and as I hear him talk about the struggle that he is dealing with on a daily basis, I can't help but think of how fortunate I am. Earlier in the day I learned of a family that lost everything, even their seven year old daughter in a fire, and I spent the day making phone calls and emails to get donations and help for them, and now as I listen to this gentleman, my heart again sinks. We arrived at the gas station and I swiped my card and he filled the small can. Crouched on the ground, he looked up and said, "people just aren't nice like this anymore." I retorted, "yes and I think that is a shame." When we got back in the car I told him I was from Wyoming, where you helped people, and you could take a person for their word. He smiled and told me about his youth when he used to travel to Wyoming in the summers to pick sugar beets with his family. He told me how he loved the Wyoming summers and how he loved going up there every year. We talked about Christmas and he told me that this year they were doing things small, since there was little money. As he told me this and John Lennon sang Happy Christmas, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. I was filled with emotion, and I just wanted to fix everything for him, make it all better, give him the a small portion of the Christmas that I was preparing for. At this moment everything fell into perspective for me, this day was to let me know that I needed to stop trying to "purchase" the Christmas spirit. This season is for helping others, for giving to those who are a bit less fortunate than ourselves. Those who know me know that I already try to reach out and help out, but somehow before today I got wrapped up in the merchandise element of Christmas. We pulled alongside his vehicle and he reached for the handle, I reached in my pocket and grabbed the cash I had put there for him when we were at the gas station along with my business card. He looked at me with kind eyes and told me that I was a good person, and I thanked him for helping me too. I am hoping that I can help him find some work, sometimes we can reach out and others may be willing to help too, if I don't try I will never know. I am thankful that I was able to help others today, and I hope that there are many others out there who are able to open their hearts, homes, wallets, and arms and embrace the ones that are in need. My heart swelled as I drove off, and I smiled as I looked at my clock, I was only 10 minutes late for my date with Ms. Gates and my family. A short amount of time, but a big mark in my timeline of the day. Tis the season. 12.13.11

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.

The magic is as wide as a smile and as narrow as a wink, loud as laughter and quiet as a tear, tall as a tale and deep as emotion. So strong, it can lift the spirit. So gentle, it can touch the heart. It is the magic that begins the happily ever after. Disney World was our destination and November was our timeline. We planned this vacation for over a year, and now it was finally here, time to go visit Mickey and the Gang. I was so excited, I would see commercials on TV and quickly point them out to Havely, who would shrug and usually lose focus before the thirty second commercial had even finished. I couldn't believe she wasn't jumping up and down exploding with excitement. I had seen the kids on the ads, they were so excited that they weren't sleeping. I tried for several days to light the fire under her, and each time she just said mom I know, we're going to Disney. I said finally do you understand what Disney is like? She responded yeah it's like Six Flags or Sea World, and then I would retort with yeah times like 1,000!!! Okay, so at this point I am totally sounding like the child and she is sounding like a flat gray boring adult, boo. The morning of the vacation we packed the last remaining items, said goodbye to Grant and Nana (totally heartbreaking), and headed for the airport to get to sunny Florida.

On our route to the land of wonder we had two layovers in Houston and New Orleans. The flight attendants were wonderful, and the pilot even helped make the journey exceptional. He came back when we were just waiting in Houston and invited Havely into the cockpit to fly the plane. She got to go up and sit in the cockpit and see the controls and touch some of the flight equipment (I would insert a picture here, but the kid hates pictures so none were taken). Once we were landing in New Orleans, the captain announced that the plane was to go onto Orlando, and he wished a little blond girl in row five a wonderful and magic vacation. The trip was just beginning and I was already beginning to feel the magic, big smiles all around. We finally touched down in Orlando and were so ready to get off the plane. Grabbed all the bags and headed to get our rental car, a white Ford Edge, pretty nice car for an even prettier price. It took us about 30 minutes to get to the house. The house was wonderful and we were pleased that it was cozy and had a great "home" like feel already. We were tired and hungry, so we quickly unloaded, found a local grocery store and pizza joint, filled our tummies and then got goods to load the fridge and pantry for our stay.
The next morning we got up, had breakfast and made our way to the Magic Kingdom. I had never been to Disney World, so I had no idea that basically once you exit for Disney, you drive into a world of absolute perfection. You drive for a couple of miles before you come up on the decision to pick you Disney destination, and on the first day of course you have to visit the main attraction, so onto the Magic Kingdom we went. Everything is so orchestrated from parking to entrance into the park.
We took the Ferry Boat over to the entrance and the look on Havely's face when she caught site of Cinderella's castle was priceless and I was able to catch that moment perfectly.

When we got off the Ferry, I could see that my unswayed child had been bitten by the Disney bug and she finally understood what I had been expressing for weeks. When you walk in the entrance and you see the gardens and the train and just take it all in, the sites, the smells (nothing smells like Disney), there is just a feeling that takes you over, makes you tingle from head to toe, and somehow you are transformed into the child that you once were.

You believe in the power of the imagination, you let go of reality and the facts of life. You just live in the moment and allow yourself to become emerged in the worlds around you. You take a journey from fantasy to frontiers, and you don't just experience rides, you go through stories. We began with Pirates of the Caribbean, I wanted to test the waters and make sure that Havely was okay with going on rides that were dark and the little drop would indicate if she was ready for some excitement. She loved it, and I thought OK we can try some larger rides and see how she does. After exiting Pirates we wandered into Frontier land and she spotted the Big Thunder Railroad, and with wide eyes declared, I want to ride that! We got in line and in a matter of ten minutes were boarding the train. All of the rides accommodate families and we were able to ride all together on most everything. Once the ride began, she smiled and giggled the entire time, and even put her hands in the air through out most of the excursion. We finished, came to the station with an abrupt halt, and she turned to me and asked, can we go again? I was relieved to know that going on wilder rides with this kid was not going to be a problem.

We then toured around, went on Splash Mountain, back to Big Thunder, over to the Haunted Mansion, and then to Fantasy land. It began to sprinkle and we quickly ducked into the Philharmagic theatre to watch a 5D movie that was just getting ready to start.

It was a great experience, the screen was 180 degrees so the picture surrounded you, and you could not only feel some of the effects, but at times you could even smell them, simply magic! We then enjoyed some of the food that amusement parks have to offer, not so good for the waste line, but pure bliss for the mouth. The last stop for us that day was Tomorrow Land, and we tackled Space Mountain, which of course ended up becoming one of Havely's all time favorites. She amazed me that day with her tenacity and courage, no ride was too much for her to handle. We left the park in the early evening, and headed home to swim and relax. The perfect introduction day on our Disney vacation.
Day two we began a little on the slow side, both Havely and I ended up getting a bit ill, and our stomachs weren't agreeing with us that morning. We decided to take it a bit slower that day. We headed out to find a place to have a nice lunch before heading to the park. We took a random exit to a town called Celebration, and discovered one of the most perfect little towns I had ever been to. The houses were flawless, the gardens as well. Then we arrived at the town square that surrounded a large pond, with shops and cafes that overlooked the water. We settled in for lunch at the local tavern and had some great food. After some good grub it was onto Disney's Hollywood Studios. Walking up to the entrance we encountered the largest Christmas tree I had ever seen.

Once in the park, we noticed that people were collected alongside the streets and a parade was just about to begin. The Pixar Countdown to Fun parade, we got to see all of our favorite Pixar characters, even the cast of UP had a float. Havely then made the decision that our faces needing to be painted so that we could be Hollywood famous. We found a face painting booth and she picked our designs, very great art on our faces is just what needed to bring my daughter our of her camera shy shell. After her face was painted she would pose for any picture, and smile big.

It was then I decided that the $12 paint job was totally worth some priceless photos. We had a day fit for the stars, we went behind the scenes of movies, and took a stroll down a street in New York. We played in the backyard of the Honey I Shrunk the Kids set,

and then headed to cuddle up and wait for Fantasmic to start. We ended up sitting by a family from San Antonio, what a small world! Fantasmic was astounding, fireworks, black lights and movies cast onto fans of water, pure entertainment from beginning to end. As we exited the theater we came down the hill where the Tower of Terror stood in the cloudy darkness.

You could hear the screams coming from inside, and the set up to the entire ride was just eerie. Havely stared up and pulled us by the hands into the Hotel, she was ready to go on a ride. As we winded through the lobby, people asked us how old she was and pretty much assumed we were the worst parents ever taking out child on this ride. I was scared, Havely however was not. We got into the elevator and headed through the halls of the hotel, we were greeted by the recently departed

and then taken to the tower, shown a quick view of the park so that we could comprehend our height, and then the elevator plummeted quickly. I screamed, Havely laughed, and then Jaaron laughed at the both of us. And once again when the ride ended, she begged to do it all over again. Heading for the exit, our bodies telling us to call it a night we entered the center area where the giant hat is and a live band was playing. With just a little energy left we danced a bit and took some photos before saying goodbye,


and that day Havely took home a Minnie Mouse

that she clutched in the car as she fell asleep in the car and did not wake up as we carried her into the house and poured her into bed. I tucked her in, she still held Minnie, and I kissed her painted and glittered face, my heart and my painted face just smiled.
Day three we were up and going early, plans to eat breakfast out and venture to Animal Kingdom for the early portion of the day, take a rest at home, and then attend the limited engagement Christmas party at the Magic Kingdom. Animal Kingdom is truly a wild place, there are animals everywhere, and at the back of the park you enter Africa, and it feels like you are transported to another country. There were dancers and people playing instruments, and everywhere you looked something was happening. We walked the trails and learned about the animals, but the most amazing part was the Gorillas.

These primates are so majestic and watching them just makes you respect them. They have a beautiful sector for the gorillas, and they watched us just as much as we spied on them. After the serene walk the fast pass was ready for us to head to the safari area. Jamba! Loaded onto the safari bus and ready to go, we went into the Savannah and got to see some amazing African beauties up close and personal. We saw giraffe's, one was lying down for a snooze, which we discovered was rare, giraffe's only sleep an average of 30 minutes a day! Farther into the junket we came up on a heard of elephants, and even got to see a baby elephant with her family, so cute!

I also developed some mad respect for female elephants when we were informed that they are pregnant for 20 months and give birth to a 300 pound baby, WHAT?! That is just crazy right there kids. Along the rest of the tour we met up with a group of cheetahs, some white rhinos, some wildebeests, and vultures. Come to find out a newborn wildebeest can run 50 mph right after being born and vultures help keep down disease big time, round of applause for these awesome creatures please! After the safari we snaked through the park and saw "It's Tough to be a Bug" 5D, then headed to Asia to get a glimpse of the allusive Yeti on Mount Everest.


In line for Expedition Everest once again others looked at me in disgust because I was forcing my delicate five year old on this terrifying ride. This ride was one of the fastest and best Disney has offered. Taken through dark and light, forward and in reverse, up and down the mountain, what a thrill! Time was going fast so we quickly entered the dinosaur era and were taken back in time to bring back a diploduckous dinosaur. I thought this would be where Havely just fell in love, she is obsessed with dinosaurs, the kid is a walking encyclopedia of dino knowledge, she loves Jurassic Park, she even watches boring documentaries on dinosaurs. We exit the ride and she is ghost white and terrified. I am totally perplexed. This is the ride she got scared on? Of all rides, this one??? At this point I decided maybe we needed a rest, we clearly had entered bizarro world. With a quick purchase of some fancy mickey ears,

we headed home for a recharge and break before attending the greatest Christmas party of all time.

Mickey Very Merry Christmas Party is worth every penny. This is a limited engagement and we needed special passes, but I am so happy with this purchase.

When we entered the park, it was snowing, man made yet, but there is no feeling that is like looking down the elegantly decorated main street of Disney World and watching the snow fall peacefully. The decorations were the most perfect Christmas decorations I had ever seen, there is no keeping up with the Jones when it comes to Christmas, it is keeping up with Disney, and it is an impossible task.


We took our place on Main Street right at the foot of the statue of Walt and Mickey, and waited for the Parade. This parade is magnificent and unless you experience it for yourself you won't understand that awe that we came away with. After the parade we shuffled to Cinderella's castle to get a ideal spot to watch the fireworks. We ended up right under where Tinkerbell flew from the top of the Castle. The Fireworks show was spectacular, and with the music and the energy, you couldn't help that emotions got the best of you, this show makes you just happy, your spirit is full of the season and the feeling that Christmas is supposed to bring.
We then had the rest of the evening to explore the park and ride the rides without any lines. We had a great time, even though I got soaked on Splash Mountain! We retired from the park after midnight with a sparkling Tinkerbell balloon, some Christmas souvenirs and a feeling that money cannot buy. Disney has a way of relighting the belief and Christmas spirit in you, the way it was when you were a child and things were simple. Tired and weary we drove home, Havely crashed out in the car and Jaaron and I sat in silence both of us just trying to embed the evenings events and feelings into our hearts forever.
The following day we were just whipped, we had planned to head off to explore Universal Islands of adventure, but decided to just stay put and play at the house. The pool water was warm and inviting, and a day of relaxation was just what we needed. We watched movies and took naps. We snacked and played. That evening we ventured to Downtown Disney and ate at the T-Rex Cafe.

It was entertaining and overall a good experience. We got to shop and explore the area a bit. This place was fun and I would love to visit next time and be able to spend a scant more time there.
On that Thursday I got spoiled with a visit from a long time friend. Erin came from Cape Coral with her son Chase to spend the day with us. It was so good to see her and be able to catch up. The great thing about true friendship is that no matter how much time has passed you don't skip a beat and you can pick up right where you left off. We have been close friends since the eighth grade, and we have stood together through some really great times and unfortunately some grim times as well. We stayed up late talking, and then realizing that we were now parents and had responsibilities, called it a night around midnight. Even though we may only see each other years apart, I cannot imagine my life without her. She is one person that I can say is a friend for a lifetime, watch out for future stories on here when we are old and more gray and can get wild again!
The last day of adventure was met with a cold front, and we were forced to dress warm as we headed out for the day. We decided to spend more time at Hollywood studios and see the stunt show. Jaaron had wanted to see this show before we left for vacation and we intended to make it happen. On our way to the stadium we ran into Lightening McQueen and Mator.

Havely was just in awe, she was so happy that she finally saw her hero! The stunt show proved to be worth the trip back, very exciting and we even got to see Lightening McQueen in action. Havely was starstruck. Watching her watch him was one of the best experiences I have had.

She has been in love with him since she was a toddler, we have watched the Cars movie more times than I can count. When the show was over she kept telling us that he was the real Lightening McQueen and she couldn't wait to tell all of her friends that she got to see him live. This was big to her, one of the moments that won't soon forget. We followed the crowd out and then decided to go see the Muppets 3D, or as Havely keep saying, let's go see the Muffins. Muppets are always entertaining and we had a good time. Out of one park and onto another, we cruised to Epcot to see what else we could fit into the last day. A quick entry, some pictures in front of the giant golf ball thing,

and then into the shops to get some gifts, some for us, some for the ones left at home. All of this going lead to one giant explosion from the young one, she was hungry and tired, and it was time to call it a vacation and leave the wonder and excitement of the Disney parks behind. At this moment you are sad that it is over, but relieved because it is all so exhausting and you don't realize this until you throw in your chips. A quick trip to Celebration again for some local Cuban cuisine and then into the local soda/candy shop for a sugary pick me up. We made a break for home and put the droopy sprout to bed. The next morning we packed up and made sure all of our treasures were going to be safe for the trip. We arrived at the airport with time to spare and got a bite to eat. On the plane Havely sat by the window, dressed in her new Minnie Mouse outfit and she seemed a bit defeated to leave. I asked her if she was okay and she said she wanted to go home but she wanted to stay too, I told her I understood, but we would be back and that was a promise. As we sat back and lifted into the air, not knowing I was watching, I watched those blue eyes gaze at the ground as it disappeared and heard her little voice saying goodbye to each character by name, and with each name her tiny fingers gave a little wave out the window. It took everything that I had not to cry, as I realized that she not only understood the magic but she was young enough to believe in the true spirit and magic of Disney. That small moment was my moment, the one that I will hold onto to remember the trip, the one that made all the effort worth it. We will be back soon, I promise. 12.03.11

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.-Ronald Reagan

Sacred Dinner I believe is the term my friends coined for this event that occurred in the Broadbent house daily. Every night, with few exception we had dinner as a family, in the kitchen, at our small white table. My mother was an excellent cook and she would always have the meals planned and prepared ahead of time. My mouth waters just thinking of the dishes that I consumed over the years, nothing fancy, but all of them made with family in mind. If we were having mashed potatoes, my mother would dish out the white fluffy goodness (never ever from a box, always real potatoes), with smack on the plate and then we were told to "make a lake" to prepare for the gravy. Now that I think back to her serving, I think sometimes the spoon smacked the plate so hard it almost cracked it, and being a mom now I realize that may have been a chance to release some frustration. Now when it came to making lakes I remember that Angela would build almost like a pool for her gravy, she would even take her fingers and pinch the walls up so that the gravy would be deep and would never spill out, she wasn't a fan of having her food touch or mix. To this day I have still noticed how many plates and bowls she uses at meal times, making sure that each serving of goodness has it's separate quarters. My "lakes" were very similar to Jessica's. We made them smooth on the bottom, shallow and made sure the potatoes spread out wide, ensuring that each bite had a sufficient gravy to potato ratio. We didn't mind when the lake spilled over and encroached upon the other vittles, we just added that to our perfect bite. Angela still makes her own perfect bites, but she just likes to be the one that controls her options, and on that note, she never ever eats things open faced. Anyway back to the table, once the food was served and mom was sat, we would discuss the days events, hash out arguments, sometimes start arguments, touch base on upcoming events, and remember stories from the past. No one got up to do anything during dinner, you sat until you were done, and done in our house was a plate that had no food remaining on it, and we didn't have a dog, so you were required to pack away it all. Some nights my dad would check out of the conversation and read, but I believe he always had one ear in on the conversation just in case he felt the need to jump in and exert his man power (you know that seven votes), but even if he was engrossed in some paperback the maidens would make the conversation continue. There were many nights that I remember sitting there after the dinner was done still talking. Sometimes we would clean up and then sit back down enjoying each other's company, and sometimes we would scatter the moment we were full. My favorite nights were usually in the summer, when the sliding glass door would remain open the entire night allowing a cool breeze and some moths to join us, and usually just two or three of us would remain and talk about different things that were going on with us at the moment. Although dinner was the most action that table saw daily, there were many moments that we shared at the table, some good, some bad. We gathered for lunch, we would have a late night snack, it would be covered with books for homework, and sometimes bottles from parties. I remember when I was older waiting until midnight when my dad would get home, and sit with him while we ate tostidos and cheese, he had a beer or two, and I had my water. He would tell me about work sometimes, but there were times that we discussed his past, and I realized how important my future was to him. I knew that all these times, and all this "ritual" that my parents had created was to shape me into the person that I was hoped to become. I was taught values, manners, respect, and tradition, while I was following perseverance and dreams. I don't know if at the time my parents realized that each and every day this is what they were doing, but I am very thankful that this is how I was raised. I too am trying to follow this tradition with my children, my life is busier, but I realize the importance of a gathering of family. So the key to raising children is in the furniture, a study table in the home (epoxy sometimes helps) and a desk in a school. Education was presented at each of them, it was just in two different ways. 09.10.11

And Dance By The Light Of The Moon

Sometime the best days we have in life are completely unplanned. A long week and a nerve wracking work day was causing me to sprout gray hair like the time lapse photography you seen on national geographic. Every inch of me was on edge and just needing a Thelma and Louise moment, but being a mom and having responsibilities we would have to water that down a bit, ok maybe quite a bit. Angela and I already had said we were doing something together that evening so I dialed her up and said, what about a massage? On the other end of the line all I heard was "YEEEEESSSS!!!!", nuff said I called and made appointments for use to get a two hour massage, two hours of well needed tension relief. The rub down was just what we needed and we walked out of the salon completely relaxed and relieved. I think if we were cartoon characters we would have entered with bags and suitcases on our shoulders and then it would have shown us leaving with clouds under our feet, ahhhh. The evening at that point had just begun and we continued our adventure (lame I know) at Houlihan's where we enjoyed some delicious appetizers and sinful martinis. We spent almost two hours at dinner, just talking and enjoying the evening out. I love nights like this where we just get to be carefree again, and the conversation just flows. During dinner we both get told by our husbands to enjoy ourselves and not to come home before 9:00 that night. Finishing dinner we notice that we are still not past our curfew and make the decision to meander around target for a bit, a movie option is discussed but we are both a little to tired to take on a two hour saga at 10:00. As I am headed to Target, I get a phone call and a little girls voice says, "mommy, do you have Lavender Lamb in your car?" A quick glance in my backseat quickly brings me back to reality as I look at the two car seats and in one of them a well loved purple lamb is slumped. "Yes I do Havely" I respond, and she begs me to bring him home so that she can go to sleep. It has been a long week for her just starting school, and the husband decides that the Lamb is more important the the curfew so we hurry and head home. I get in the house and take Lavender Lamb upstairs to find a sleeping damsel that had crashed out waiting for her security to show. I kissed her hand, tucked her in, and put the giraffe like lamb under her arm. Angela and I spent the next two hours listening to music and talking, and then when we decided that our energy was spent and bed was calling, the power went out. Black, dark, holy cow this house is dark when the power is off. Cries from upstairs come immediately and I try to navigate up the staircase in the dark. Jaaron is searching for a light source (why do we never have this stuff handy?!) and I am sure I look like an idiot getting through the dark by touch (ha ha no one can see me though). The howling gets closer and I realize Havely has made her way out of her room, I grab her and head into Grant's room. By this time a light has made it's way up the stairs and we navigate back to the family room, kids wide awake and scared. We sat in the family room and waited, and after about 20 minutes we realized that something was really wrong and it wasn't coming back on anytime soon. The entire canyon is dark and our neighborhood is dark and silent. With everyone being up, the kids were curious, so we decided to head outside. A nice breeze was blowing and without all of the city light pollution you could see the stars quite well. With a touch of silvery moonlight illuminating the yards, the kids danced around in the yard and played with the dogs. They played with wonder and amazement that it was so different than anything they had experienced. It was nice to get outside, even though it was almost 1 AM by this time. This was one of those moments where you just sit back and take it all in. This isn't going to happen on a daily basis, and sometimes you just have to abandon the rules. We played outside for about 30 minutes and then headed inside to hope for some current to arrive and to put two tired kids to bed. The house was hot and we couldn't find a way to turn a light on for them, so it was either have a slumber party in the family room, head home with Angela (at this point she took an exit to her fully powered home, complete with functioning AC) or wait for CPS to save us. After we started discussing our options (by this time the entire clan is cranky), we begin to argue, even Havely is interjecting opinions into the conversation. And then bam! Power is back, sign of relief! I scoop up the girl, he grabs the boy (who is almost bear like) and we put them to bed. We are ready to crash as well, but we head outside one last time to take a look at how different it all looked with all the light, half of the stars looked like they had gone to bed for the night too. I finally hit my fluffy pillow and as I am falling into a coma, I think of the days moments, random and by chance and I smile. I like the randomness of life sometimes, it creates some of the best memories. 8.27.11

Kindergarten and booster seats

What a week. In four days I feel like time has aged me a year or more and my kids became older in a blink. Havely became a big Kindergartner this week. On Monday, wait rewind, on Sunday night the kinder clouds rolled in and the tension turned high. I was trying to prepare her for the week and becoming a school kid, and she of course was finding ways to talk me out of it. We picked out an outfit, snuggled, and read "The Kissing Hand", and as I read about little Chester being brave and going to school, my eyes stung with hot tears that I quickly wiped away. I tucked her in, and told her how exciting the next morning would be, turned on the noise and walked out of the room. I then headed down the stairs and grabbed the nearest phone for mom support. She comforted me, just as she had always done and then told me it was going to go great, Havely is going to love school. I went to bed that night with anxiety and awoke at 4 am, going through my mental checklist making sure everything was going to be perfect. At 5 I finally got out of bed to begin the execution of my list. First get me ready, it's the first day of school, I have to look good walking her up there right? Next go wake up the big school girl, OK this is where things started to go south. I snuggled up to her and said, "good morning my little kindergartner" and she immediately started crying. She told me to go away she needed more sleep, then she sternly stated that she was not going to kinder and that was that. I helped her feet to the floor, directed her to the sink, brushed her teeth for her, and got her dressed, all while she cried and pleaded with me to not go to school. I got her downstairs and attempted to do her hair perfectly to match the outfit that I carefully picked out the night before. We made her favorite breakfast and then I gave it my best shot to take some first day of school photos. She fought me every step of the way. Then we began the walk up to the school, and half way there Havely starts dragging her feet and of course I get worried that we are going to be late, and not on the first day! I asked her if she wanted me to push Grant and her dad could carry her. She simply stated, "no mom, I want you to go get the car!" Jaaron scooped her up and carried her to the corner of the school grounds, walking up the hill, she turned to us and said, "I think my batteries are running out." This kid cracks me up! We headed into the school and as we walked through the halls, I felt her hand tighten on mine. This is when mom's heart starts to hurt. I knew she was truly scared. We got to the class and it was time for us to say goodbye, and she panicked. She was in a place that she hadn't really been before with complete strangers, and we were about to turn and walk away. I assured her that she would be okay and gave the tightest hug I could. I kissed her hand and told her to hold onto it tightly, and I would be with her all day. We left and I just felt empty. I didn't cry, I just felt lost. We had breakfast and I just hung around the house waiting for the clock to turn to 2:20 so I could head back to the school and pick her up. I was anxious and excited and ready to reclaim my child. We waited in line and they brought them out and she ran and jumped into Jaaron's arms. I couldn't wait to hear all about her first day. We got in the car and I started asking questions and she just shut me down at each one, then told me she really didn't want to talk. We came home and she headed upstairs to play, and she just wanted to be alone for a while. I was at a loss, I just wanted her to blab to me all about every detail, and she just wanted to decompress from the day. The rest of the week was pretty much the same daily routine, and I was really getting worried that she was going to just hate school. I was trying to keep a positive attitude and show my happy face the entire week, but it was starting to break me down. On Wednesday I came home later than usual and found that Jaaron had fed Grant at the table and he did great. He was happy and told me about how Grant is ready for his own seat at the table and that we were done with the highchair. It was at this moment that I lost it. I suddenly knew why the black cloud was following me all week. My babies were growing up and I did not like it. I couldn't believe we were at the point of having a kid in school and another that was becoming so independent. I know that this is a common theme in my blog, but I really just feel like I have blinked and weeks go by. In the moment it feels like you are just living, but when you look back it happened so fast. I am happy that my kids are doing so well and becoming these little people that can do so much, but I just wish I could sometimes just cuddle and love on them or revisit times in their lives. I am glad that I started this blog, it will give me something to always look back on, and something that my kids can read and smile about. Ferris Bueller said it perfectly: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 08.26.11

All that we owe our parents we repay through our children.

Ok I just spoke about how I am becoming my mother, now let's flip the coin and discuss how I am raising mini me one and two. My kids are so much like me it is scary. I remember my mother always telling me that the reason my dad and I were like rams butting heads is because we were so much alike. At the time, of course I was just leaving the scene of losing an argument with him and I would think, are you crazy? I am NOTHING like him! Now that I am older, and of course wiser (yeah right), I am realizing that I am a lot like both of my parents, but my stubborn attitude surely comes from the good ol' Kent Broadbent himself. You bring up my dad's attitude or mention the term stubborn and Kent in the same sentence at any family gathering and everyone just nods their heads in agreement and then there is usually a story that follows about how my dad would do this when faced with adversity, or how this fight came to be between them. That's one of the reason Broadbent gatherings are so fun. Well now it is my turn to raise a child of my likeness and it is tough. Havely is so damn determined and strong willed, I really have to learn to hold back sometimes because I find myself wanting to knock her into the middle of next week. She is now 5 and pushes the mom buttons on a daily basis. When I ask her to do things she always has some smart remark that usually follows. I applaud her wit and quick thinking however if she catches me on a bad day it might lead to her demise. I also watch my sons tenacity and unyeilding behavior, and with this one, I may have a permanent mark left in my chops from biting my lip so much. Lately though I have been given a slight bit of comic relief to this whole adventure. I am not the only one with kids anymore, and to my great joy I am watching Angela's kids personalities develop. They are only six months old, but the professional instigator in the Broadbent bunch now has a clone coming along. Jackson loves to spur his sister until he gets a reaction from her. The term the apple doesn't fall far from the tree used to makes me fear what was coming my way, but now it puts a small grin, like a grinch on my face when I know what is coming Angela's way. Remember all the times that you used to do ANYTHING to get a rise out of me Ang? Well be ready to eat a big fat plate of humble pie, your son is going to give little Angela a run for her money. I feel really bad for Genevieve, but thankfully she has Aunt Mac to help her through how to overcome the prodder that is her brother. I know I have a trying road ahead of me raising little Mackenzie and Kent, however I will love the front row seat that I have to watching the replicate of miss Angela the Instigator, yes peeps that was her superhero name... 08.14.11

Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart.

It's happened, I have become my mother. Not only do I see her when I glance in the mirror as I go by with a load of laundry, my mouth tends to open wide a spew the very sentences that she used to let loose on me and my sisters. The first few times it happened I cupped my mouth in horror and drew back, did I just say that??!!! Now that I have two children I find that it happens more and more, I think I have diarrhea of Valisms coming out of me. Stop torturing your brother, do you want me to give you a reason to cry, I don't care who started it, go play in the street. Ok maybe that last one was a wee bit of a stretch, but anyway, these are the things apparently that my brain is full of because I don't control it, it just happens. Not all of the sayings are bad. I find myself describing things as nice and big all the time, these are things my mother also does. Kenz, go over there and get a nice fresh loaf of french bread. For dinner we are having spaghetti and a nice green tossed salad. No mean food at the Broadbent sacred dinner, no way (I will discuss "sacred dinner" in another post). It's funny to sit and think about how we become our parents, at least I think that we do if our parents did a good job and were present through out our lives. I was fortunate enough to have parents who cared enough to say these things and care about what I was getting into and if my sister was pushing me to the brink of beating the snot out of her. I was lucky enough that every day I was fed with nice food and our table was never empty, with food or family. I never ate alone in front of a television in an empty room, and my dinner never was crafted by Swanson's. Now that I am a parent, I get to carry on the same things. I say the same phrases, but I also make sure that my kids understand what family is. Almost every weekend lately we all get together, (my sister and her family) and spend the day swimming or playing and then have a family meal. I watch both Angela and I repeat sayings and actions that were taught to us many years ago, but apparently had a huge impact on us. Both of us rock and sing to our kids to get them to calm, something that was also done to me many times when tears were flowing or I just needed a hug. I know in time I will hear Angela utter the words that I have about stopping fighting and giving her kids a reason to cry. I already hear her use the term nice when describing food. These are just a sample of the things that I am stamping on my kids that my mother imprinted on me. I am the mother that I am today, because I was given such a wonderful person to raise me. I cannot imagine what I would have become had I not been urged daily to become the woman that I am. When I fell, not only was I pushed back up and redirected, it's like my hand was held until I was confident to let go again and try it on my own. I know I am a good mom, and I know the reason I am is because I was given a great teacher. Being a mom isn't something you can learn in a hospital class, it isn't something you can read in some book, and it isn't something that you can sit and discover yourself. Being a mom is ingrained in you, it is something that you learn from the first day you open your eyes and look up and she smiles and says she will protect you forever. It just took me until I was the person looking down to notice what a big job it is, and how much love and patience and energy goes into it. Thank you mom for teaching me how to be a mom, and my kids thank you too. Now I am going to go eat a nice big slice of pie... 08.14.11