Act Without Expectation

4:48 is what the digital clock read on the dash of my car. I had just gotten off the phone with Jaaron and he was timed just right to meet me in the parking lot of the Towers with the kids. I was on my way to visit Esther Gates, a dear friend who amazes me every time I am with her, she is 90 and has accomplished more in her life than three people put together, I love these visits, they fulfill my heart and tonight we will visit and she will meet my kids. As I turn down the street headed towards Fort Sam, I spot a white car, similar to my grandpa's on the side of the road. As I approach closer I see an older man with a gas can in his hand trying to cross the busy road. As I pass him, I feel him tug at my heart, I realize that there is no gas station within a couple of miles and he needs help, my help. I quickly turn around and when I approach him he hasn't had a chance to get across the overloaded intersection. I pull into the median, and he turns to me with hope in his eyes and I asked him if he needs help. He slowly nods his head and then looks down and quietly says, "I do, but I have no money." I can see this man is proud and he is ashamed at the situation. I said, "well I do, so get out of the rain and let me help you." He climbs in my car and I move the items that are on the seat, he looks me in the eye and tells me thank you. As we travel in the rain, I can see that he is clean, but he doesn't have much. The Christmas songs on the radio play in the background as we go and to break the ice, I ask him how he is doing. He tells me that he is a hard worker, but is currently out of work. He tells me how hard he is struggling to make ends meet. I can tell by the strain in his voice, he is not telling me this to gain sympathy, he just is telling me how it is, and maybe just needs to talk to someone. We drive and I listen, and as I hear him talk about the struggle that he is dealing with on a daily basis, I can't help but think of how fortunate I am. Earlier in the day I learned of a family that lost everything, even their seven year old daughter in a fire, and I spent the day making phone calls and emails to get donations and help for them, and now as I listen to this gentleman, my heart again sinks. We arrived at the gas station and I swiped my card and he filled the small can. Crouched on the ground, he looked up and said, "people just aren't nice like this anymore." I retorted, "yes and I think that is a shame." When we got back in the car I told him I was from Wyoming, where you helped people, and you could take a person for their word. He smiled and told me about his youth when he used to travel to Wyoming in the summers to pick sugar beets with his family. He told me how he loved the Wyoming summers and how he loved going up there every year. We talked about Christmas and he told me that this year they were doing things small, since there was little money. As he told me this and John Lennon sang Happy Christmas, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. I was filled with emotion, and I just wanted to fix everything for him, make it all better, give him the a small portion of the Christmas that I was preparing for. At this moment everything fell into perspective for me, this day was to let me know that I needed to stop trying to "purchase" the Christmas spirit. This season is for helping others, for giving to those who are a bit less fortunate than ourselves. Those who know me know that I already try to reach out and help out, but somehow before today I got wrapped up in the merchandise element of Christmas. We pulled alongside his vehicle and he reached for the handle, I reached in my pocket and grabbed the cash I had put there for him when we were at the gas station along with my business card. He looked at me with kind eyes and told me that I was a good person, and I thanked him for helping me too. I am hoping that I can help him find some work, sometimes we can reach out and others may be willing to help too, if I don't try I will never know. I am thankful that I was able to help others today, and I hope that there are many others out there who are able to open their hearts, homes, wallets, and arms and embrace the ones that are in need. My heart swelled as I drove off, and I smiled as I looked at my clock, I was only 10 minutes late for my date with Ms. Gates and my family. A short amount of time, but a big mark in my timeline of the day. Tis the season. 12.13.11