One year ago I met the most adorable boy

Happy Birthday to my baby boy. Grant is now a year old, my little guy is growing so fast.
That one line I had written before I left to go have dinner and celebrate Grant's very first birthday, and I intended to finish this post later that evening when he was sound asleep in his bed. I had no idea that we were about to face the most frightening night as parents.
We went to dinner that evening to celebrate BG's first birthday, and how happy we are to have him in our family. Life is just better! As we sat at the table and discussed our day with each other, I fed Grant and then he began coughing. Well he has a horrible gag reflex and before we knew it all the Gerber goodness was all over me, him and the floor. I began cleaning him up, told the waitress to box it up and we headed home. When we got home he seemed fine and we were sure the coughing is what lead to the eruption at the restaurant. I went to put him to bed and then he became fussy again, not just I don't want to sleep, but I am in pain help me fussy. I gave him Tylenol thinking that it was his teething, and finally he drifted into dreaming. I laid him down and went downstairs to relax. After this moment everything is basically a blur. He woke up screaming 45 minutes after being laid down. From this point on we could NOT get him comfortable. He would pass out from shear exhaustion on us and then when we laid him in his bed, BAM crying again. Finally at about 11 that evening I threw in the towel and told Jaaron I was just going to sleep in his room and watch him. I laid there for about 3 minutes when I heard his breathing change. I was sure he was going to throw up again so I jumped up and sat him forward. As soon as my hands slid under his tiny arms, his entire body began to quake and his gaze was far off and distant. I screamed for help and it seemed like minutes before my husband came bursting into the room. Through panic and tears I stammered, "I think he is having a seizure!" Jaaron swept him from my arms and we immediately got him in the car to head to the hospital. Our neighbor came over and watched Havely and we were off. The drive to the hospital again seemed to last forever, it was like I was frozen and things were just moving to slow. Jaaron held his hand on the drive and he seized several more times. When I parked I told him to get Grant and meet me at the desk. I stepped out of the car and set out on a dead sprint. I don't think I have ran that fast since I was timed in High School. They took us back immediately and took his temperature. 105, he came in at 105. All of a sudden I felt like I was from the outside watching this happen. I know kids die or have permanent damage from fevers this high, how did I let this happen. We were rushed down a long hallway and taken to a room where we were met with a team of nurses and a physician. He was given meds immediately. Grant was still in a far off stare, it was like he just wasn't present, no crying, no big response. Over the course of the next few hours we put our son through x-rays, blood work, urine analysis, two IV's, one round of potent antibiotics, a cat scan of his head, and the one thing that almost killed us as parents, a lumbar spinal tap. During all of these procedures I felt completely helpless, but when it came time to do the spinal tap, I truly felt like my heart was just being stomped on repeatedly while I heard him scream in fear and pain and I could not be there to comfort him. The nurse who held him sang in his ear to try and calm him and I fell into my husbands arms hoping that my son was okay and that this nightmare would end soon. As soon as they finished I scooped up my son and assured him that I was there for him and turned to see my husband sweating and flushed. He just turned and walked out of the room. Grant finally calmed and I silently cried, while i repeatedly kissed his head and traced his face with my shaking fingers. My husband appeared back in the room after about 15 minutes. The whole incident was just too much for him to handle and for the first time ever, he almost passed out. This is a man who pulls mangled victims from car accidents and encounters people on a daily basis at the worst point in their life-and is usually unscathed. Having your child go through pain and fear just does something to your heart as a parent and messes with your mind. Finally Grant took one big yawn and fell asleep against my chest. I finally felt a bit of peace. In the next couple of hours the mood in the room slowly begin to change from fear to hope. Each person we encountered had good news regarding test results, and we were quickly coming out of the dark hole I felt that we were sinking into. After all was said and done and going through a night in the ER, and a morning at the pediatricians and a couple more tests we finally got home at 1:00 pm that next day. The cause of this whole horror was bilateral ear infections. How horrible did I feel, I am an ear specialist and missed this? Guilt ridden and exhausted I finally crashed and put the entire event to rest, and so did the little boy who was now a year old. What a crappy birthday, certainly one to remember, but for all the wrong reasons. Next year I demand a do over, my guy deserves so much more. I love you Grant and tonight I was tested to the extreme as a parent, but it was clear to me that I would do anything for you, and always will. 01.26.11

It's for the monsters.

I have learned that I should never be surprised at what my four year old comes up with. Her thoughts and imagination are entertainment at it's finest and I am the captive audience waiting and wanting more. Havely's vocabulary has become never ending and her use of it is pretty precise. She has told me lately that things are impressive to her, she is amazed at some things she encounters and the list goes on. Last night I was putting her to bed and she ran up to Buster the Beta's tank and gasping for air told me to come and look at his babies. I walk over and in one of her plastic tea cups there are about 50 clear beads. I was amazing at how inventive she had been and then immediately perplexed at where in the hell all these beads had magically appeared from. I said, "Havely where did the new eggs come from?" She quickly dashed across the room and retrieved a beanie moose she had that was now beanie-less. She said the moose was tired of having a heavy butt so she took care of it, and when she did both her and the moose were happy. Well of course, I would be happy too if someone magically made my bottom instantly "less heavy". It was time to brush the teeth and she told me that she needed privacy and that she could be trusted to get the sugar bugs off herself. She told me that there was 15,000 billion of them and she managed to get rid of them all. I said that is some amazing toothpaste and brushing. Now it is time for her to be tucked into bed. I pull back the covers and where the usual mob of stuffed animals are, there is also a lightening mcqueen baseball bat. I had to look away so she didn't see me laughing. She jumped into bed and I sat down and grabbed the handle of the bat and asked why there was a bat in her bed. Her eyes got wide and she said, "mom, it is so I can hit the monsters on the head at night." Who is going to argue with that? Not me, no way she has a baseball bat! 01.25.2011

Grant is walking!

We knew it was close, Grant has been pulling himself up and walking around furniture since the beginning of November, and each day the little guy became increasingly more daring and faster at the task. I have watched him take one step from the table to the couch, or reaching out for me, but then he would just fall into me and laugh at his accomplishment. The other night we were all in the family room playing and I was farther away from him and he turned, smiled, took in a big breath and started walking to me. He took four steps and then fell into my arms with his 8 tooth grin so proud and happy with himself. Then Jaaron and I sat across each other on the floor and watched him stumble back and fourth between us, increasing the distance slowly. He was walking! It is so amazing to watch your kids reach their milestones in life, but it is also bittersweet. My little baby is growing up so fast. As we sat and watched him walk, I remembered Havely's first steps when i was on the phone ordering Chinese take-out, she was so little, and now it seems like so long ago. I looked over and there is my little girl encouraging her brother to walk to her as well, and cheering him on. I couldn't help but beam with happiness when I watched this, and I laughed out loud when Havely said, "Santa is going to be so proud of him!" This was a great night in the Thomas house, and I am so glad that I have a front row seat in my child's lives, watching them grow, even if it is too fast. 01.06.2011

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

It is hard to get into the Christmas spirit when there is no snow. I grew up having white, sometimes complete white out Christmases, so when I moved to Texas it was hard to realize that Christmas was on it's way when it was 70 degrees outside and not one snowflake in sight. Every year I have to find ways to help the spirit of Christmas enter my soul and warm my heart. Some years I felt luke warm even, and the holiday season passed and I really didn't even notice. I have discovered that Christmas with children is different though. I get to see Christmas through their eyes now, and the view is enchanting! We put up our tree last week, and Havely continues to reach higher and higher every year. This year we had a little rascal crawling about that tried to undecorate wherever he could reach. So we had Havely complaining that she was doing such an awesome and inspiring job and he was destroying her chi. This bickering goes on constantly lately and I am pretty sure my son is going to be a giant instigator just like his Wa Wa.
We listen to Christmas music whenever we are in the car and Havely has picked up on some of the words on the classic songs. This morning on the way to daycare with my two kids snuggly warm in the backseat, Havely with her white faux fur, and Grant with his sweet dog hat and fuzzy blue coat, we were listening to the songs of the season and I noticed that Grant was chiming in with us. It made me smile from ear to ear to hear her sweet little voice tell me that all she wants for Christmas is me (of course mom is the you in that song), and Grant is ba ba baing with the beat of the tune. Of course I am belting out in my best American idol voice as well, with some car dancing of course. The song ends and let it snow comes on with a joyous intro, and Grant starts in again, and this time Havely announces, "Mom, Grant is singing all the wrong words!" I said Havely let him sing, he doesn't know any words yet! Then she looks at him and tells him, you are singing the wrong words, but one day you will be smart like me, Santa will help you with that. Santa is one cool guy to bring smarts to kids too, wonder why he skips over so many kids, because there are plenty of stupid adults, wait we don't say stupid, ok let's go with half-witted. Anyway, I have found it easier to feel the holiday spirit, and enjoy the season for what it was intended. Spending time with loved ones, enjoying the magic, and simply believing, but I still tear up when I hear White Christmas or I'll be home for Christmas. 12.07.10

The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Just the other day I was complaining about the fact that I was walking through the isles at Target before Halloween and there were already Christmas decorations up. It was too early, I was not ready for that yet! Now Here I sit on December 7th and I wonder where the time went. My son is almost a year old and my daughter is this little girl and no longer a baby. She told me the other day when we were putting up the tree that she thought the tree was inspiring. Where did she learn a word like that and how does she know how to use it? I told her she was inspiring to me and she said that is awesome. This kid cracks me up. Grant is as cute as can be, mouth with 4 teeth on the top and bottom, the smile that warms my heart the second I see him. He loves me so much and gets so excited when I walk in the door, he even hugs me when I pick him up. My husband and I have been together for eight years now, longest relationship I have ever had, and I am so lucky to have him in my life. We actually went on a date the other night to the place where we first had dinner together, Logan's Steakhouse, all orchestrated by him. Even after 8 years the guy still can be romantic and thoughtful. I am so lucky to have all that I do in my life, this is way more than I expected and I am thankful for all of it. My job is going very well, I have such passion for helping people and I have even began a foundation in Alison's honor that helps people hear who cannot afford it. It makes my weeks go by fast because each day I love what I do, so I get to enjoy the work week as well as the weekend! We got to spend some time with my grandparents recently as well as my parents. Everyone flew in for Angela's baby shower. It was wonderful to have family time and to celebrate the two little ones that are entering our family. I can't wait to have these babies here, to be an aunt, and to see my sister as a mother. See I can't even stop gushing about all the stuff in my life that just plain rocks. So there you have it my three essentials that make my happiness. My family, my career and being a mom, and all that is coming along for us in the future! 2010 has been a fantastic year! 12.07.10

To make democracy work, we must be a notion of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.

I voted today. Midterm elections and I went and voted early. The feeling that voting gives me is wonderful. I walked in as an older man walked out and thought I am going to probably go cancel out your vote old man Withers. I love the push of the vote button and knowing that my opinion just was counted and my voice was heard. I grabbed my "I voted" sticker put it on my shirt and proudly walked out the door. Every time I vote I think of what women went though many years ago to give me the right to enter that polling site and let my opinion be known. I feel every time elections come up that I owe it to those women who fought so hard for this basic right to take time out of my day and cast my vote. I also think about the fact that I live in a country that listens to my one small voice and allows me to speak freely about the beliefs and opinions that I feel so passionate about. I feel that voting allows me to participate in discussions and debates with others about the politics that have an impact on my daily life. I also feel that people who do not take this privilege of voting do not get the benefit of complaining about how things are run after the election has passed. Make voting a priority, make your opinions be known, take part in the game. Even if the person you cheered loudest for loses, at least you know you put your two cents into the fight. It is your right and it is your duty. 10.28.10

You might be a martyr if...

Everyone knows this person, and some of us are lucky enough to have many martyrs in our daily lives. This is the person who constantly plays the "poor me" card. Everyone does this once in a while, it is just a human trait. However there are people who live by this, this is their credo. I can't stand these people. These are the people who constantly have to point out what they have done so that they feel their work is recognized. Usually the tasks that they have accomplished are something that people around them do on a daily basis and think nothing of it, but this person wants a pat on the back, or a cookie for doing the same thing. Annoying, super annoying. These fab individuals are also the ones who make a large ruckus when those of us not playing the oh poor me game don't play by their rules. To prove my point I will list some examples and I am certain that we all know someone who fits every scenario. Who wants to play you might be a martyr if:

-You come in early and stay late and accomplish the same amount of work as your co-workers, but you make it a point to tell everyone how many hours you have worked each week, every freakin week. Good for you, you have no life. I like to do my job and get home and enjoy the reason I work. These people always try to make you feel guilty by stating that they are dedicated to the work or the mission at hand. Suck it so am I, and I don't need to prove it any other way than doing a good job at what I do.

-You have more sick days than the year has work days. These people always make snide comments when someone is out sick and even better, when they are ill they come to work and get everyone else sick. Sick days are for when you are sick, use them and realize that germs exist and we don't want yours.

-You haven't taken a vacation in years. Mr. Poor Me is always quick to point out how he hasn't been away from doing his slavery for so long he can't even remember right before you are about to head out the door to catch a plane for some fun in the sun. Even better is when you get back to work these people are always the first to utter the phrase "must be nice" when you are talking about your R & R.

-You look ten years older than you are.

These people don't just exist in the work place though, they are all over the place. The husband who lets everyone think his wife is a controlling bitch and acts like a beaten slave when company is around. Little does everyone know what is really going on when no one is there and daily life is occurring.

So before you go feeling so sorry for this suffering individual, take a step back and look at the big picture. Are they really suffering because of their circumstances or are they creating the circumstances to suffer by.