Just because you can't keep up, life doesn't stop...

What a month. We have had some serious tests of strength this month, from unexpected incidents with cars and water heaters, to sick kids and sick parents. Yesterday I was going through my schedule from last year, and noticed that every Friday in the month of June I had lunch with Ali, seems so weird that it was a year ago because I treasure it so much. This morning I woke up to the oohs and ahhs of a little boy playing with his toes and greeting the morning. Very sleepily I walked over and picked him up and put him in bed with us so that we could get to the point of alertness that he was at. He was all smiles and so were we, apparently even at 7 am happiness from a 5 month old is contagious. Five months-where did the time go? He looked so big lying there on my pillow. He is almost 16 pounds now, and there is no end in sight to this kids growth. He is almost sitting on his own, in fact he HATES to lay down. He is no longer an infant, crazy. Havely is also changing so quickly. She is so smart and so quick and one of the funniest people I know. Just the other night she got into it with Jaaron and when he had the last word, she turned to him and said, "you just broke my heart dad, you took my heart and you just broke it." Take that-how do you compete with that??? One of these days you will hear about Havely Mae the Oscar winner. I feel like I just turn my head quickly and when I turn back they have achieved a new milestone, I am not doing well with this whole getting older crap.

The Variety of my Vestibule

I love my entryway. When I walked into the door of this house for the first time, it just made me smile and I knew that this large entrance would welcome me for the rest of my life. I once heard a neighbor say that the size of my foyer was a waste of space. I must have misunderstood her, because this waste of space has become many things to the Thomas Troop.
It is a fantastic dance floor.
Many times we have turned the music up and danced wildly. Everyone joins in, Havely, Jaaron the dogs and my sisters have all done the cha cha slide, made up our own moves to it's oh so quiet, and just twirled up and down the floor to many other melodies. In fact today I danced alone with my son, the house was quiet and it was just the two of us. He is not feeling well today and the rythm of my footsteps across the cold tile floor, calmed him down enough to allow him to fall fast asleep on my shoulder...
It is a motor speedway.
We have raced all sorts of cars from end to end. Havely has raced around in her walker just getting her footing going, and now she gets in the pink jeep and has her Opa push her faster and faster while he makes engine noises for her. She throws her head back in laughter and commands him to do it again and again, and of course he complies with each request. Several Lightening McQueens have raced up and back (of course only Havely gets to be him, we all have to be the rest of the cast of cars). With a boy coming up in the ranks, I am sure there will be many more races that will commence here as well.
It is the home to Thomas field.
We have played several sports here. Soccer, football, catch with the dog (poor lamp took one for the team), and some track and field events even. I have watched a little girl go from carrying a pink soccer ball around on it, to kicking it from one end to the other and being able to run and chase it. I am sure that there will be tournaments and games played on this very court over the years and unfortunately I am sure that the lamp will not be the only casualty.
When I come home at the end of the day, I walk up my porch steps to a glass door that frames this entry way perfectly. This view is perfection. Sometimes I am greeted by a red and yellow dog, sometimes a little blond in pigtails, or a husband with a "I am glad you are home" look on his face. This entry is anything but a waste of space and I can't wait to see what else it will be transformed into over the years to come, and I will treasure each memory that comes along with it. 06.13.2010

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

This is the motto of my week. Everytime I felt like a was gaining ground the rug was completely ripped out from under my heels and I fell flat, only to know that the only choice I had was to stand back up and chance it happening yet again, and it did several times.
Enter Monday morning, oh let's start this day at say...2:00 am?? Yup, 2 am is a fine time to begin a monday everyone hates them anyway so let's make this one a real doozy. Dead tired I drag myself out of my nice soft bed after pushing a spoiled cat to the side and almost stepping on the chest of the dog next to the bed, and I slowly make my way into the kitchen to make another bottle for the boy who is determined to break me down by sleep depriving me. I swear this kid works for the CIA or some other high level government agency. So I shuffle to the kitchen like an 80 year old lady and on the way dodge a few dinosaurs and cars that my other CIA agent strategically placed to trip me up, and mix up a bottle. Feed the boy, turn off the ranting Nancy Grace (can't stand her, but she is the only non-infomercial show at this time of day**and being this sleep deprived i would probably order at least 27 sham-wow's) and head back to bed. Ah sleep at last, out cold. Next scene is me still sleeping and my little guy with eyes wide open ready to take on the day. He is just talking and laughing, which is usually really cute, but at this moment--not so much. So again I begin my twilight obstacle course, cat off, jump dog, dodge toys, zap bottle, back through dinosaur mine field and retrieve boy. I go to feed him and he rejects me like Tim Duncan does to Kry Baby Bryant. He just wants my company and wants to give me the 411 on the happenings of being a baby. Again not that cute right now. This goes on until the alarm in my bedroom, next to my peacefully sleeping critters and my day is on. I put Grant outside my bedroom door and talk to him while I get ready for the day's events. I tell him about make-up products and why I am doing my hair curly for the 16th day in a row (humidity rocks), I mean if he can tell me all about his stuff, he can surely take a turn and listen to me now right? I am somewhat ready and I run upstairs and wake sleeping beauty and get her downstairs while she tells me how mean I am for waking her up (everyday routine). Make some coffee (survival tool) put the bags in the car, grabs the kids and out the door we go-6:50 am. Put two kids in car seats and plant my mommy ass in mine and turn the key and nothing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? My car is three years old and it is a luxury car, this shit is NOT supposed to happen. I try again-FAIL. Again, again, again--no response. I feel like those nurses in the drama shows**CLEAR** nothiing "Charge to 1300"**CLEAR!!!***
Ok kids out of car, back in the house. Call Lexus-demand someone get here soon to help, she tells me that I am in luck, it will only be anywhere from 60-90 minutes for someone to show up, well lucky me. I call work and they are certainly not happy, at this point my boss has even offered to come and take me to work. Grant is getting pissed now-he has decided he is tired and hungry-perfect. Havely is watching the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while sitting in a lego wagon asking me when I am going to get her vitamins for her. Finally someone calls me from the "wrecking" company, and I frantically look around for a simple pen and paper to write down the important information the man has for me. Just in time I spy a dry erase marker on Havely's Cars table and quickly sweep away the disney tea set and chapsticks to make room for mommy's doodles. By this point I am stressed to the max. I just can't understand why it won't start. So I go back out and give it one more try and **WHALAA** it turns on!!! Run into the house, grab the baby, back in the carrier, turn off mickey mouse (someone is really mad because I killed the story and she still has not gotten her vitamins) and out the door we go again. Kids in car and down the road we go. Big sigh of relief-whew...it is only 7:30 and I won't be that late if I hurry. Call the dealership on my way to work and they set up a service appointment at 11:30, with a loaner car in reserve. Perfect, I will finish my morning and then meet my husband for lunch and get my loaner and everything will work out. I finally get to the dealership at noon, no husband he is running behind too, then the rug, remember the rug-big tug and gone again. Turns out the wonderful DMV that is well known for great service, has failed to send my renewed Driver's license, and no one is going to hand me their car with an expired license, here we go again. After dealing with this I get to choke down a wendy's jr. bacon cheeseburger while trying not to cry while my husband takes me back to work. I spend all afternoon trying to call the DMV and find out who has their head up their ass there, and as I found out-they all do. So it is now rounding the corner to 4 pm and I have two patients left, I have to get to the DMV that is 15 minutes away (according to yahoo maps) before 5 pm, and then get to Lexus before 6 pm. Ok you have accepted your challenge young grasshopper...GO!!! Angela comes to get me and takes me to the DMV, where I almost go to jail for kicking the DMV girl's ass after she shushes me and waved her pointy little finger in my face. Angela literally has to grab my arm and calm me down. Great got the little paper and now the race is on to the dealership!!! We make it to Lexus and find out that my car is done and turns out I didn't need the paper license to get my own car, again even better. Get my car and take Angela to Chuy's for dinner for all of her troubles and I attend therapy via a Texas Martini. For this week though I will find out there is not enough alcohol in San Antonio to cure the stress I will endure, wa-freakin-hoo. After leaving Chuy's I drive home with Coldplay blaring on the stereo and Fix You comes on and I just loose it. I cry, big fat tears, and just let it all go. I feel overwhelmed, and I am also sad because on a day like today I would have finished this evening with a call to Alison and we would have shared a laugh over the crazy day. I am sad that I cannot do this anymore, and I cry just a little harder...

The rest of the week turns out to be an intricate design of dominos that continue to fall one after the other. The shiny new computer that I got on Friday decided that it hated me too and none of the hearing aid software would work. Got to cancel 5 patients because of this and spend every day on the phone with a computer geek somewhere up north. Then I have a patient that has been extremely demanding that wants her hearing aid before she goes on vacation for months in Spain. I have rearranged my schedule several times for this woman. Well on Wednesday she waltz in my office and tells me that she has decided that she doesn't actually want a hearing aid right now, that she will call me later when she is ready again-fantastic!!! The computer is fixed on Thursday just in time for me to have a sigh of relief before picking up two sick kids from daycare on Friday. On Friday I am sick as well and finally get to tuck myself in at 11:30 pm...

Saturday is my redemption day though, this is my stand up eight. I know that this all will seem like a small sampling of parenthood and life, and believe me I know that there are people out there experiencing things with a magnitude far greater than this. For me this is all I could handle in this week though and I made it out with little bruising! Tonight I will hang out with my kids, my husband, and my sisters. We will eat homemade spaghetti with most of the ingredients coming from my garden. We will sit in the love sacs (I will post an entire blog soon about the ode to the love sac), and play wii and enjoy each other's company. I may fall down many times, sometimes it feels like I totally got pushed, but with all the people that I have around me to pick me up I will never stay down for long. 06.12.2010

Clark Howard is a D-Bag

No sunshine and roses tonight. I am tired. My son has woke up every three hours tonight. It is hot as hell in this house and sticky humid. I am hot. And I have some jackass telling me how to retire early and what I need to do with my money. Headline news is the only channel in the middle of the night that does not play infomercials all during the hours when normal people are sleeping. Most of the time I listen to Nancy Grace yell about someone who needs to be dragged into the depths of hell, mildly entertaining, some Jane lady that looks like a dude yell at people she talks to via satellite, ok I hate this lady too, or Joy Behar who I rather enjoy. But this morning it is Saturday and they have on Clark Howard. He is telling some caller that they need to save save save and then later in life they will be able to sit around the table and count their coins. Really?? To me this concept has never been my motto, in fact I hate this motto. I have watched people in my family live this motto and I even had an uncle save save save for retirement and live very frugally only to drop dead while running memorial weekend two years ago. All that money was in an account and had never been touched. No vacations really, never remodeled their home, never really got a new car even. He finally broke down and bought a brand new truck a month before and got to drive it a whole 100 miles before he died. So I guess I am asking what is the point of not enjoying life as you go??? I am not talking about living irresponsibly so that you need constant bail outs and you are in debt up to your eyeballs, but just taking vacations when you can afford them, driving a nice car that you enjoy, and making your home look the way you like so that you come home everyday and smile that this is YOUR place. So I am sure there are people who will read this and think I am not the brightest for living my life like this, maybe you think you have it all figured out by saving consistently for that rainy day. I have my rainy day savings, but I also will be out playing in the sunshine. Take that Clark Howard-oh and ps-you look like a giant rodent, kinda possum like. 05.22.10

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

I went back to work two weeks ago, and I am glad to be back among adults and doing what I love, but trying to work out a balance with work and home has been tough. I am burning the candle at both ends, and apparently this week they met. Getting up at 3 am for feedings and then trying to get out of bed at 5 again is like waking the dead. By the time the evening hours roll around I am on total auto pilot. On Thursday it really started to become apparent just how much I needed some rest when I brushed my teeth with a healthy dollop of Oil of Olay in the morning, later that day while talking to my sister on the phone when the conversation ended instead of hanging up the phone I just reached out and turned the key on my car and turned it off and just sat there for a moment before realizing what I had done. Later that evening I was unloading the dishwasher and while sorting out the silverware caught myself putting the stuff from the drawer into the dishwasher caddy. At this point I was just overwhelmed and called my mom to make sure I wasn't going totally crazy. Finally everything was done for the night and I went in to take a bath and just try to wash my mind clean of the day. Earlier I had gotten a call from the new Unitron rep (Ali's old job) and turns out they gave her the same phone number (thanks to whoever decided that was a good idea), and so my phone rings and I look and it says that Alison is calling me. It hit me hard and I had to try to compose myself just to get through the workday. Well with all of today's and this weeks events, I just let go and cried myself to sleep. Friday morning I woke up to a wonderful Texas rainstorm and it felt rejuvenating. I love the rain here, the sky lights up, the thunder is loud enough to shake the house and the rain drops are so large you can hear them smack the ground when they hit, it is almost hypnotic. So I decided to take on Friday and turn this week around. I had a wonderful day at work and then got done early and was able to come home for an hour and regroup. Picked up the kids and did the nightly routine. But when I was putting Havely to bed, I leaned over for my kiss and she took out her pa and said, "mom, let's just talk for a minute." I said ok let's do that. She told me stories all about her animals and told me how much she loved to play. She told me all about the pies and cakes she has been making outside for everyone's birthday (mud pies are the best). I sat and listened and watched the amazing excitement on her face and new this was my reward for making it through the week. After a long conversation with my now very sleepy little girl, she finally fell asleep. I came downstairs and did the same. At 3 am as usual I am up with the boy and get him fed and then he just won't settle down. So I put him out on my lap and he just starts babbling and smiling at me, again my rainbow at the end of the storm. So I sat with him for a while and cooed and smiled and giggled until he too began to drift off in my arms. So now it is almost 4:30 am, and yes I am blogging again (I do my best work at night) because I don't want to miss the freshness of this moment. Having a family is hard work, and being a mom with a career is tough, but there are so many rainbows that outshine the rain that make it all worthwhile...
05.15.10

Wind Chimes and Baby Breath

It's 3 am and my last week of maternity leave. I should be sleeping, but I don't want to forget my moment tonight, so I am writing at 3 am...

Grant woke up at 1:30 and I lay in bed for a bit wondering if he was going to fall back asleep. Then I just smiled when I heard him making his ooooo noise. This is the noise he makes right now when he is happy. I love it. I go over to get him and he sees me and gives me the gummy grin and makes another oooo noise.

The feeding doesn't go so well, lots of spit up. He pukes all over me and himself, I have to change both of us, but while I am changing him he starts his oooo noise again and then giggles while I am trying to get his arms in and out of the sleeves. He can turn me from frustration to melting my heart in a matter of seconds and he is good at it too, watch out ladies this little guy is going to break some hearts.

Finally after two bottles he is full and relaxed and I bring him up close and put him on my shoulder to burp. The house is quite and dimly lit. The wind is blowing slightly outside and I can hear my wind chimes making their rhythmic melody. I can hear his little breaths coming out and I can feel them on my cheek. I love this moment. I want it to last forever. I could sit here all night and just take this all in.

I sat there for almost an hour holding him and thinking about the time that I have gotten to spend with him, just our time at night. I know he will start sleeping through the night and I will be thankful for that, but right now I am thankful that I have these moments. Soon enough he will be too antsy to let me just hold him and feel his breath on my cheek. So I have to write about it when it is fresh in my mind so I can re-visit this anytime I want and get just a small sample of this moment back and he will know how much the small things mean to me. 04.30.10

Who hit the Fast Forward button???

One week left, how is that even possible? I went on maternity leave the last week in January and I was looking forward to enjoying every second of the next three months. Here I sit with one week left and I feel like I blinked and the entire thing just vanished...

Grant has grown so fast and is a very good baby. At our last checkup (two month) he weighed 13 lbs. and was 22 inches long. This kid does not miss a meal, believe me I feel like I am constantly feeding him!!! The pediatrician is amazed that he can already hold his head up on his own and is already trying to sit up on his own, in fact he hates to lay flat with you and pulls himself to a sitting position all the time. I think he is the cutest little boy I have ever seen and he is smiling and talking and making my heart melt everyday. I can't believe how fast he is growing. I can't believe he is 3 months old today...

Ok now onto the real time flying. Havely turned 4 this weekend, FOUR!!! We made this birthday one to remember since life with a new baby has been a little hard on her. We rented a bounce house and a cotton candy machine, loaded the kitchen with food and filled the patio with family and friends. On her cake all she wanted was a "giant four", no pink, no girlie stuff, so they put a little number 4 with pink and purple icing and a freakin tiara on it, well done HEB bakery. The party itself was amazing though and all the kids went home loaded with sugar to the max and exhausted from hours of bouncing. After the sun went down I lay with Havely in the bouncer and looked at the stars and told her I couldn't believe how fast she had grown. She gave me a giant hug and told me "mom today was a great day." I just hugged her back and held back the tears, because I know that time is just going to continue to go faster and my kids are going to grow way to quickly. I chose to freeze this moment for me to look back at and remember a little four year old with curly cue pigtails that had one of the best days ever and I got to share it with her.

We had professional photos taken on March 19, and I would like to share some of them with you and also a picture or two from Havely's party. It's late and I should be headed to bed, but I don't want to because tomorrow they are just another day older and I am one more day closer to not being able to stay home with them during the week and just watch in amazement as they grow. I really love this mom thing. 04.26.10